Kolleen: Everyone knows Degrassi episodes are named after song titles. Well maybe not season 1, but maybe, I don’t really care to research it further. Is “Eye of the Beholder” a song title? It’s an awesome Twilight Zone episode. Anyway, the name of this episode should be “Bizarre Love Triangle”, because I can’t think of ANYTHING more groan- inducing than a Paige- Terri-Spinner threesome.
We open on Terri eating breakfast. Her dad asks her if she’s excited about the upcoming school dance– the first night dance in Degrassi history! She’s not excited, though. Because she hates her body. She thinks she’s fat, and no one would want to dance with a fat girl (I love that DNG deals with REAL ISSUES. What teen girl doesn’t hate their body? We’ll see more of the negative- body-image theme down the road).
Her dad insists that she is beautiful ! Totally beautiful! It’s a little creepy, his enthusiasm, really. Maybe he just wants her to GTFO of the house for a night so he can get a blowjob or something. It’s tough being a parent nowadays.
At Degrassi, Spinner asks Terri for her bio notes. She thinks nothing of it, but hello! Since when does Spinner care about BIOLOGY? Never, that’s when. He just wants Terri’s fine booty for his own. He asks if she’s going to the dance but she says her dad is making her stay home. She doesn’t even realize he’s basically asking her out. What a fool. Ashley helpfully points this out to Terri, much to Paige’s rage. She wants Spinner to herself! How could he like a chubbo like Terri when she’s all hot and ready for action? (BTW Paige and Terri have like, literally the same body type, and that body type is average teenage girl. Paige is conceited.)
Oh and in the middle of this important conversation about boys and subtext, fucking LIBERTY pops her head in, reminding Ashley to do the morning announcements! What a buzzkill. Is Liberty EVER fun?
Anyway, as all this is happening inside the school, something smoldering and sexy is happening OUTSIDE the school. A new boy has just arrived on the back of a motorcycle. He has smoky, soulful eyes, mussed up hair, and maybe an earring.
This teenage heart-throb is Sean (Daniel Clark), and he has a spunky attitude, a chip on his shoulder, and the key to Emma’s heart. She makes puppy-dog eyes at him for three goddamned seasons.
While planning the dance, which is unfortunately named “Starlight Strabright”, Ashley finally gets Terri to admit that she thinks she’s fat and is totally insecure about it. Paige, always lurking like the troll that she is, overhears. The girls reassure Terri that she could be the next Britney Spears if she just lets them give her a makeover. This is obviously not going to end well, since we realize that Paige is going to ruin everything so that she can have Spinner to herself.
In class, it is clear that Emma loves the new kid, but it is also revealed that Toby loves Emma! The dance thing isn’t going to happen, so JT comes up with a great idea for how to spend the night– looking up porno sites. I’ve always thought it was weird that guys would look at porno together, or swap it or whatever. I mean it’s just an odd thing to do. Am I wrong? All my guy friends used to/still do this and it’s just bizarre to me. I like to keep my porn in the bedroom (and on this laptop), where it belongs.
At Terri’s, Paige eyes a bottle of sherry while the girls give Terri the WORST MAKEOVER OF ALL TIME. I mean how is this cute?
Ashley has to run to the dance so Paige stays behind with Terri, raises her skirt a half an inch higher, tells her to make the first move, and then loads Terri up with sherry. This is going to be a night to remember!
JT and Toby wait until Toby’s parents are gone, hack into the parental block, and start having fun with porno like every 14 year old boy in the world does. Some choice examples of the websites they discover: “Foxy Ladies”, “Babes in Heat”, and my personal favorite, “the one with three x’s, Triplesexxx.com”. Too bad for them as they’re ogling fake ta-tas, Toby’s parents return and, having caught these young horny boys wondering if a certain woman with loose morals has real or fake boobs, make them watch all types of porno (even male on male, apparently) in order to prove a point about objectifying woman. Which makes no sense, if you’re watching two dudes go at it. But whatever.
At the dance, Terri is drunk as a skunk and Ashley is pissed. But luckily that sherry gave her the confidence to ask Spinner to dance! He doesn’t seem to care that she’s drunk, he just wants to slow dance with his girl crush. All is well until she trips on those ugly ass shoes and realizes she’s going to vom, fast. She runs off and ONCE AGAIN Paige swoops in like a vulture picking the flesh off a dying… I don’t know, deer or something.
Also at the dance we see Jimmy messing with Sean about something– but what? Sean attacks Jimmy, mentioning that he has to repeat the 7th grade and is UBER-embarrassed about it. Emma saves the day by asking Sean to dance. By the way, Emma is resplendent at this dance. She is like the goddess Athena in human form:
How does this nightmare of a night end? The principal never finds out Terri is drunk, Emma has her crush solidified, and Ashley is told her dance can happen again next month (a bit of overkill IMHO but whatever). But the most soul crushing moment of the entire episode is the following school day, when Spinner hands Terri her notes back– and Paige informs everyone that he’ll be using HER notes from now on.
Ugh, what a bummer. Will Terri have her comeuppance? Stick around, and we’ll find out.
Letty: God, Paige is such a rowdy bitch. My husband calls her Troll Girl because he is cruel (but accurate). There is an episode of DJH that features a character getting drunk and going to a school dance. I will have to revisit it because I don’t remember the repercussions at all. Alls I know is, I didn’t need to get drunk to enjoy MY 8th grade socials. I was on a natural high from doing the Tootsie Roll.