DNG S1 Ep5: Parents’ Day

Letty: Kolleen is busy playing at the beach so I am going to tackle this episode of DNG.  It’s been a while since I’ve watched these old episodes so I am mega pumped revisit them and be steeped in awkwardness.

Well, Parents’ Day is approaching at Degrassi and Toby and JT are NOT looking forward to it.   Toby’s parents are divorced and it turns out his bat shit crazy mom is planning on coming to Parents’ Day.  As it is now, Tobes spends every other weekend with his mom and the rest of the time with his dad.  When his parents are together it’s ALL OUT WAR (which in Canada could very well mean just a minor spat).  JT doesn’t want his parents to come to Parents’ Night and find out about the ‘D’ he received on his last math test.  To be fair, The ‘D’ should come as no surprise to his parents as it is apparent JT has some sort of learning disability based on the fact that he is wearing orange rave pants to school.   Class starts and instead of Ashley’s normal morning announcements the class watches NAK, News About Kids.  Emma rolls her eyes and seems put out by having to watch NAK because of their blatant product placement, but is soon drawn in by their gripping report on “squeegee kids”, homeless kids who survive by cleaning car windows.

Emma Degrassi Concerned

Concerned or constipated?

Emma is quite the opinionated young woman and takes offense to NAK’s claims that the squeegee kids use their bum money for drugs and tattoos and protests that they are just trying to make a living.  Since idealististic Emma isn’t one to just let shit lie, you know that we are going to have to hear more about this whether we want to or not. ::yawwwn::

Meanwhile, Paige and Terri walk in on Ashley pouting in the bathroom mirror. Ashley is morose because according to bitchy Paige, Ashley goes “all manic depressive” when she doesn’t get to give the morning announcements.  It’s a good thing Emma wasn’t in the bathroom because then she would probably lecture Paige about stereotyping people with psychiatric disorders or something boring like that.  Terri agrees with Paige’s assertion that Ashley is a sad sack bitch when she doesn’t get to give the announcements, but thinks that Ashley is a better reporter than those NAK kids and should get an agent. OF COURSE.  I mean ~~Heather Sinclair~~has  an agent, why not Ashley?!? It turns out that Tobe’s mom is a casting agent and with Ashley’s radiant beauty, over plucked eyebrows, and on-air experience, Terri knows that Ashley will definitely be signed.  Terri and Ashley leave the bathroom tittering like inane chickens while bitchy Paige stares at the two thin greasy strands of hair hanging in her face in the mirror and seethes with jealousy.

paige degrassi

Girl, Imma gonna take some scissors to those hair strings.

Outside at lunch, Emma is ranting and raving about how NAK is for chumps and that the news show is trying to buy the students’ “brand loyalty” and discourage creative thinking or some bullshit like that.   She storms off to take action and her friends seem relieved that she is leaving. JT quips, “Imagine being her for a day.”  Yes, imagine having a million sticks up your ass.  Emma has a ballsy meeting with the principal, Mr. Radditch, who explains that in exchange for showing NAK’s crappy biased newscasts, the school received 18 new computers.  Emma screeches about bribery and Mr. Radditch shoots her down by telling her that the parents voted for it and that not every kid has a computer at home.  Probably just to get her the hell out of his office, he tells her to write an editorial about it that has to be in by 4 pm THAT AFTERNOON.  Determined as always, Emma sets her jaw and gets to work.

Under a bridge somewhere, trolly insecure Paige is worried that Ashley is prettier than her and Spinner’s claims that he could TOTALLY see Ashley on television does nothing to make her feel better.  On a unrelated topic, Paige is like supposed to be the HBIC at Degrassi and the best dude she could snag is Spinner, a guy she stole from her chubby friend?  What’s the deal with that? There aren’t any cuter available guys in the ENTIRE school?  Anyway, Paige makes it clear to Ashley that she is going to have some competition in getting Toby’s mom’s attention.

While Paige is busy being crappy, Emma is hard at work with Manny on her editorial in the computer lab.  Manny is such a good friend, she puts up with all of Emma’s sanctimonious shit and actually seems interested in what Emma is trying to write. Super bad boy, Sean is also in computer lab and has all of his personal belongings in a chair so Manny has to stand.  He scoffs at Emma’s editorial pursuits and leaves in a huff when the girls ask if he could move all his crap so Manny could sit down.  That boy, he sure has a chip on his shoulder.  Meanwhile, across the lab, Toby has come up with the master plan of forging a letter from Mr. Simpson stating that because of Toby’s “exemplery purformance in all of his scholastic pursuits”  his parents don’t need to attend Parents’ Day.  Solid plan Tobes, no need to spell check, carry on.

Emma hauls ass down the hall (she really does move with the grace and charm of a young Audrey Hepburn) to turn in her editorial and then unfortunately we are treated to a super irritating scene between Liberty and Emma in which Liberty acts like some sort of hardass  newspaper editor from the 1920’s.  She says things like, “I’m trying to run a professional operation here.” and the entire time the only thing I could focus on were Liberty’s weird pre-boobies, because I am some sort of pervert or something.  How did Liberty get to be editor of the school newspaper anyway?  She is only a 7th grader.

liberty preboobies

UGH.

Toby gives his fake spelling mistake ladened letter to his dad and immediately his dad wants to know what is up.  Tobes confesses that his mom wants to come to Parents’ Night and that he would rather get caught watching porn with JT again, than have his two parents in a room together because he knows they are going to bicker.  His dad promises to be on his best behavior.

BZZT! It’s Parents’ Night!  Let the ~~drama~~ begin!  Ashley, dressed like a beatnik poet in a black turtleneck, is primping in the bathroom.  She is so nervous she is shaking and can’t apply her eyeliner properly.  She asks Terri to help, and Terri with all the grace of a chimpanzee learning to use a fork, nearly pokes Ashley’s eye out.   Ashley says some bitchy things to Terri (I’m glad Terri has such good friends!), when Paige busts out of the bathroom stall wearing a slinky, gold snakeskin top that bares her belly.  Her shirt reminds me of a pair of snakeskin pants I bought a Gadzooks when I was 16.  I wore them once and I still feel embarrassed by it.  It dawns on Ashley that Paige is trying to show off for Toby’s mom, but when his mom finally shows up, she just brushes both of those dumb broads off.

Things start off normal at the meeting between Mr. Simpson and Toby’s parents but then they start blaming each other for Toby’s educational failings.  Things are escalating and just when I think that Toby’s dad is going to yell at his mom for being a frigid bitch in bed, Toby stands up for himself and makes them stop arguing.  Just like that Tobes sprouted his very first pubic hair.

Out in the hallway Emma and her mom, Spike, walk past a bulletin board featuring Emma’s editorial about NAK.  At the same time bad boy Sean and his even more bad boy older brother,TRACKER, are walking out of a classroom discussing the editorial.  Tracker says the writer of the editorial is a idiot and Emma, never being one to just shut the hell up, runs her mouth off and says that he is the idiot because he didn’t get the point.  Tracker tells her they can’t afford a computer at home and without the free computers at school Sean would be falling behind at school.  He then crumbles up her article and calls it garbage.  I have never been so aroused in my life.

After a successful meeting with Mr. Simpson, Toby and his parents are leaving when they are bombarded by Ashley and Paige.  Paige tries to be all sickly sweet and awkwardly gives his mom a polaroid of herself  “to remember her by”.  Again, both Ashley and Paige are given the brush off.  But wait!  Toby’s mom notices plain ‘ole Terri (who I actually think is very pretty, but has an extremely unfortunate gait.) by the door and hands her a business card and tells her to call if she’s ever interested in acting.  Take that bitchy friends!

ashley degrassi

How could you resist those perfectly plucked brows?

With that, Parents’ Day is over.  The next day at school Emma and Sean are sitting next to each other in the computer lab.  Emma keeps shooting Sean these weird guilty looks and finally she gets up the nerve to send him an instant message apologizing for being a bitch to his brother.  Sean tells her that her article wasn’t garbage and a super creepy closed mouth  smile spreads across Emma’s face, a smile that will surely haunt my dreams.

::shudder::

After that, the episode is finally over. Well, not before Mr. Simpson punishes Toby for his shitty forgery job and makes him write a 10-page essay on why it’s wrong to falsify documents.  Dude, really a 10-page essay? That’s harsh, bro.

Hopefully the next episode of Degrassi will feature something more scandalous than editorials and bickering parents–BOOOOOORING.  I am ready for some real ~drama~.  I hope you had fun at the beach Kolleen! ❤

Kolleen: You bet your sweet bippy I had fun at the beach! Sun, sand, surf, German fries… Then I took a nap and went to see the Helmet/Toadies concert at the Paradise in Boston. It’s been a LONG day.

Letty, I’m glad you tackled this episode. I thought it was so dull. I mean I guess seeing Terri get that comeuppance I was alluding to earlier was good, but I really thought this episode was a snoozefest. And can we talk about Tracker for a minute? Hillbilly name aside, he was the best thing this episode had going for him. I would make sweet love to him in a janitorial closet any day.

I’ll be back with more DGN tomorrow (technically today), and tune in Sunday when I tackle the pilot episode of My So Called Life!

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3 responses »

  1. I’m so happy you mentioned Ashley’s “eyebrows”, what a disaster. Her hair is also extremely questionable.

    Reply
  2. Pingback: DNG S1 Ep 14: Under Pressure | Thirty-SomeTeen

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