Skins Series 1 Ep 1: Tony

Kolleen: Look, I’m happy to report that Skins (UK, obv) won in our reader poll and will be the next show we are focusing on (besides Degrassi, of course). And look, I’m also happy to tell you that you can watch Skins on Netflix Instant, but I am going to warn you: the music is all jacked up. I mean, in my opinion the music makes the show, and because of licensing shizz, they had to change a lot of it. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to watch Katie’s episode in series 4 and realizing that “A Promise” by Broken Records isn’t there anymore. As a huge Skins fan… well, I’m not telling you to seek other ways to watch the show, but I am telling you that’s how I watched it. (This site is handy for keeping track of the music in the show).

That being said, I am VERY EXCITED to recap Skins, because it’s probably my favorite show in the history of all time. So let’s get on with it, shall we?

Oh Tony. Tony Tony Tony. You are so good looking, waking up for school in your underwear,working out in your underwear, watching your neighbor get nekkid in front of her window in your underwear, helping your little sister Effy get back into the house after a night of sluttin’ it up in your underwear. You’re only young once!

Meow.

Meow.

After a morning of fucking with his father, Tony’s off to school, ringing his friend Sid (who doesn’t answer), Chris (who doesn’t answer), Jal (who is busy playing clarinet) and his girlfriend Michelle, who he affectionately calls “Nips”.   He calls Sid again.  He calls Anwar and interrupts his morning prayer. He calls Maxxie who is adorably tap- dancing. Who doesn’t he call? We’ve basically met everyone on the show in the first ten minutes. British people are efficient.

Can we talk about Michelle for a minute? She’s like #1 Dream Girl on this show. I don’t get it. She has a miserable personality and she’s not even that hot. Someone explain this to me.

UGH

UGH

Anyway, the agenda for the day is to help Sid, Tony’s BFF, get laid. He can’t be Tony’s friend if he’s still a virgin at 17! That’s just embarrassing, am I right? Michelle has agreed to “help”, which seems very off putting for a number of reasons. And of course they all have to meet at a cafe to talk about it instead of letting it all progress the natural way: by getting drunk and felt up in the back of a movie theater. I never had friends so invested in my virgin- status, so I guess either Sid is very fortunate or I am very fortunate, depending on how you look at it. Tony berates Sid for a while, and then implies that he’ll get to bone Michelle, because for some reason Michelle is Sid’s dream girl. Ugh. He gets really excited, but Michelle comes in and halfheartedly makes out with Tony (seriously, I’ve kissed apples with more passion) and Sid realizes there has been a misunderstanding. Michelle offers up Cassie (“out of the hospital, not allowed to handle knives” to be Sid’s woman- of- the- night. They’ll need a lot of drugs for the party they’re going to (and to adequately get Cassie messed up enough to do Sid) so Tony suggests Sid buy an ounce of spliff (that’s marijuana).

Tony then goes to a choir rehearsal at an all girls’ school. Apparently they only need one guy. He sings well and all the ladies are gaga for him.Especially one girl with an indecipherable accent (she pronounces “friends” and “frawhndzz” which is, I’m pretty sure, not a word). Her house is the location for the party tonight! She reminds Tony to bring his frawhndzz! He leaves, giving the French teacher a healthy dose of sass mouth. Cheeky bastard! He then meets up with his friends at the quad, where they discuss the finer points of life– watching tv vs taking pills (why not both?). But no one wants to come to the party! Sid doesn’t need the ounce! Oh no.

Sid arrived at the weed dealer’s house. It is also some sort of brothel. Why he doesn’t just bang these chicks and get this whole charade over with is beyond me.  One of these prostitutes warns Sid not to stare. Sid is also ignoring his text messages. Enter Madison Twatter, PHD (Pretty Huge… well, you get it).

Are you staring at ME? Yes, your 'stache is ridic

Are you staring at ME?
Yes, your ‘stache is ridic

After some pretty threatening dialogue, Mad sells Sid some weed on credit. 3 OUNCES. 48 hours to pay him back. Sid is definitely in over his head. Mad says if he doesn’t come through he’s going to cut off Sid’s nuts! That’s “mad” indeed. When Tony and Sid meet up, Sid realizes he has about 100 missed calls telling him to abort the mission. What a chump.

In class, Jal is reading a report on the stages of grief as their teacher, Angie, sobs like a fool. Everyone is totes uncomfortable. Chris tries to make her feel better in his ineloquent way. Angie tries to hold it together but you can tell that science teacher or whatever really messed her up good. See, it isn’t just the teens that have ~drama~! Chris really has googly eyes for Angie. It’s very sweet. He even tells Angie’s ex to stop calling her! I can tell there is an inappropriate relationship budding here. Angie looks a lot like Katy Perry, so you have to wonder.

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh

That night, Sid and Tony show up at that snooty girl’s mansion (Abigail, her name is!). They really need to dump this weed. Michelle shows up too, and who does she have with her?

~*CASSIE*~

Beautiful, etheral, fucked- up Cassie, Angel of the Morning, Light of My Life. I love Cassie to PIECES.

OH, WOW! LOVELY!

OH, WOW! LOVELY!

Cassie is out of treatment for her obvious insanity and ready to PARTY! Cassie is here to rock Sid’s world. They enter the party and are immediately told to take of their shoes as to not ruin the imported Iranian carpet. I would immediately pee all over it, but these Bristol kids are so much nicer than me. Cassie beelines for the kitchen. This party is the PITS. Everyone is named Sarah, for one. Can’t trust a Sarah. Tony tries to unload the unbearable burden of pot onto these snobs, but unfortunately they are not allowed to smoke in the house– Roman silk wallpaper, natch. Horrible djing commences. Everyone dances like white people.

Sid finds Cassie rearranging the kitchen shelves, saying none of the food is organized properly. This was actually the scene that I first saw a picture of– the scene that got me into Skins.

cassie2

Sid offers her some pot and she declines, saying it will make her hungry. He says he doesn’t mind, and she says she does. Cassie is anorexic 😦 Then they talk about banging. It’s all very oddly sweet.

At Big Gay Night out, Chris and Anwar are bored. They decide to bail, along with Maxxie, to find the party. They arrive at daybreak! And they don’t even take off their shoes when they come in! Outside you hear sex sounds, but don’t worry, it’s just Cassie jumping on the trampoline.

Tramobaline! Trumbumpaline!

Tramobaline! Trumbumpaline!

She invites Sid to jump, too. They share a kiss, and then Cassie tells him she knows he really loves Michelle– Michelle told her! Women, amirite? Then they hold hands and it’s really cute. He asks her what she would do if everything was so effed up and there was no way to fix it, and she says she would stop eating until they take her to the hospital. Girl, I’ve been there. She asks if he wants to do it now, but tells him they have to be quick because she took some pills. Then she passes out.

Fearing she’s dead, Sid freaks, everyone bails but realizes they have  no way to get to the hospital. But Lo! A Portuguese angel disguised as an exchange student offers a soltion to Chris, whom she fancies: “We steal car!” After that they can do it.

We Steal Car!

We Steal Car!

A mad dash to the hospital ensues, Chris and the Portuguese chick basically banging in the back.  Just as they pull up to the hospital, Cassie wakes up. “I’ve had such a lovely dream” she says. Annoyed, they drive off.

They stop at a pier to smoke up, and Tony reassures Sid that they will sell the spliff tomorrow. As Anwar pees on a tree, someone asks who’s got the skins– ah! The show’s name! ROLLING PAPERS. Cheeky kids. As they search the car, Sid hits the shift knob (is that what they’re called? I am a girl, I don’t know) and the car rolls into the pier with everyone except Anwar in it! I think it’s because he was nice enough to pray that other morning. Don’t worry, though… everyone emerges unscathed… everyone except the weed, of course.

Actually, if they had stuck around, they would have seen the weed float back up. Some fisherman is going to have a great day!

Sid is still a virgin, and his balls are in jeopardy. What is going to happen? You’ll have to stick around to find out.

Man I love Skins. I just love it so much.

Edit: This is the Unseen Skins for this episode! Watch it and learn, buckos.

Letty: AGGGGH I love Skins too!  That sticky thing in the car is called a gear shift, Kolleen.  I know your credo is WWCD (what would Cassie do) as mine is WWED (what would Effy do), and Cassie wouldn’t know that was called a gear shift either.  Gotta love those ~*crazy*~ gals.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: