Category Archives: Dawson’s Creek

DNG S1 Ep 11: Friday Night

Kolleen: OMG you guys. Letty’s computer has busted and I’ve been inundated with schoolwork. Things are out of control, like that old show with Dave Coulier. I can’t even. But I’m at work and I’m bored so let’s further my procrastination with a Degrassi episode! ::It’s Been A While.…::

We open with EMMA of COURSE. I am so bored with Emma and her weird, half crimped hair. Like, if you’re going to crimp your hair, crimp it all the way! What is this?

WHY

It’s Friday in Canada and Sean is trying, in his own bumbling way, to ask Emma to “hang out” tonight. Is it a date? Maybe! Who knows! Sean is the vaguest boy in the world. Why doesn’t he just say how he ~feels~?

Emma’s life is HARD. Toby likes her, but she wishes he didn’t. “Why can’t he like you instead of me?” she says to Manny. Girl, you are NOT all that… stop being a snob. She recounts to Manny what Sean said and now they’re both unsure if it’s a date or if it’s just a friendly chillax sesh. Furrowed brows ensue.

In Miss Quan’s class, permission slips are being passed around for the field trip to Romeo and Juliet. But a persistent tapping is distracting her. It’s Spinner. He’s not listening to her at all! He’s listening to his Discman! Oh man. She takes it from him and gives him detention for a week, A struggle ensues and the Discman is broken (well, the batteries fall out anyway). He’s pissed, and she says it’s his fault. “Keep wasting my time, and I’ll keep wasting yours,” she retorts. Is it me, or is Miss Quan really on edge lately?

In gym, Manny and Emma are still harping on Sean’s intentions. “Couldn’t he have been a bit more romantic?” Emma spits out. Geez, Ems, calm down. You were all psyched about it ten minutes ago. She confronts him and he just says “Yeah” and walks away. So of course, she annihilates him with a dodge ball. Way to show your maturity, Emma. I’m sure you’re emotionally ready for the complexities of a teenage romance.

“If you can dodge teen girl angst you can dodge a ball!”

In the hall, Jimmy, Ashley and Terri discuss how bitchy Miss Quan is. Then Jimmy and Ash start making out and who walks by to stop them? MISS QUAN. What are the odds? She actually says to them, “You two may think you’re adorable, but that doesn’t mean anyone else does.” That is just rude (but true) IMHO. Jimmy tells Spinner in the cafe, and they discuss getting revenge. Jimmy is reluctant though, and do you blame him? He doesn’t want to end up pulling KP too!

Meanwhile Emma and Ash are STILL trying to figure out what the hell is up with Sean. Emma even asked Toby, who insisted that Sean was just being polite. No one has any manners at Degrassi; everyone knows you should not ever ask the boy who likes you about the boy that you like! Paige butts in to ask if Emma needs any advice. Paige insists that it’s officially a date and that boys don’t have any sort of discernible IQ and that’s why they can’t just ask a girl out like a proper gentleman.

In English, which is confusing because I assumed this was the same day but I guess either 1) they have English twice or 2) it’s the next day but isn’t it Friday?, Miss Quan is held up with Mr. Radish. Spinner of course takes this opportunity to do an imitation of her, and since this is television, it means she’ll probably overhear and get mad, even if it IS a spot on imitation. She overhears via the intercom and boom– Jimmy has detention too. In detention, Jimmy and Spinner decide they’ve had enough of Miss Quan’s crap and that they will get their revenge after all. We also learn Spinner is left handed. Cool.

In computer class Sean and Emma chat via AIM and then realize they’re both being stupid. Sean says he’ll pick her up at 7 at her place. Jesus, I hope they can keep these lines of communication clear in the future. At home Emma’s mom tries and fails at giving her advice, then takes this horrible Polaroid of them:

Horrible

Once outside, a bird immediately poops all over Emma’s shoulder, so this will obviously be the best date ever.

Miss Quan is teaching a ESL class at night, so Jimmy and Spinner sneak into the office to use the PA system. As she is giving the class a test on verb tenses, Spinner is chewing loudly into the microphone. This makes Miss Quan CRAZY. She asks the class to stop chewing gum, but of course no one is. She goes to check the office, and no one is there (actually they’re just hiding under the desk– why wouldn’t she look there?). For phase two, they order a bunch of hot wings, which sounds DELICIOUS.

On their hot date, Emma is asserting her feminist ethics and insists on paying for Sean’s food. It’s a veggie burger, and he’s happy which gets her all excited because she thinks he’s a vegetarian, but actually he just is skeeved because his aunt and uncle raise cattle for slaughter. Then he tells her he can’t eat meat anymore…. so he is a vegetarian? What a confusing guy! Later Emma realizes she can’t find her wallet; she thinks she has thrown it out. Sean is nice and digs through the garbage for it, but they can’t find it.

In Miss Quan’s class, the wings have arrived and the students are psyched! However, Miss Quan isn’t– it’s like $50 for those wings. The students help pay so I guess it works out, but being a type A bitch Quan is not happy.

I will eat the chicken wing. I eat the chicken wing. I ate the chicken wing.

Outside, phase 3 is happening: Spinner is pelting Miss Quan’s car with eggs. Jimmy joins in until they see her approaching. They hide in the bushes and watch in horror as she breaks down into tears. Spinner nods in approval of her obvious pain, but Jimmy feels bad.

Those monsters… My parents were eggs.

Sean is digging through a mountain of garbage and Emma recounts her steps… and realizes that it’s in her jacket pocket, after all. Why wouldn’t you check there first? Stupid Emma is always jumping to conclusions. “Someone must have stolen it!!” Did she learn NOTHING from last episode? Embarrassed, she runs away.

Monday at school, Emma is still all stressed about her disastrous date, while her friends… even Toby!… try to reassure her. Sean comes in and asks her for a copy of their date picture, which obviously means he loves her. Crisis averted again.

In English Mr. Radish (hehe) tells the class that Miss Quan has taken a leave of absence for the rest of the term, which means the field trip is cancelled. Terri asks if Miss Quan is okay, and Mr. Radish says that her husband is basically dying and she’s been working overtime to make ends meet, and the pressure was just too much. Cue Jimmy and Spinner feeling like total jerks. Lesson learned?

These episodes… I know I’ve said it before, but they end so strangely… It’s like they can’t think of a way to round out the episode. Cut four minutes of Emma whining about nothing and you can end your plot line in an efficient way. Get it together, Degrassi!

Well that’s it for now, I’ll be back later in the week with more goofy teen drama. Everybody pray for Letty’s technology woes. Maybe someone can send her a new computer? Think about it!

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Dawson’s Creek: Pilot Part 2!

Letty: Terrible news everyone!  I was informed that due to licensing issues, that “I Don’t Want to Wait”, is not featured as the DC theme song on Netflix instant watch, so we are stuck with that generic crap about moonbeams and stars or whatever.  I never in my life thought I’d miss that grating Paula Cole song, but the opening credits just seem wrong without it.  They certainly didn’t have any licensing issues with other songs.  I forgot to mention in my last recap that during one scene this gem by goddamned Sophie B. Hawkins was playing:

That song is almost too much to handle, but at least it wasn’t “Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover.”

When we left off Dawson revealed his suspicions about his mother’s infidelity to Joey and Jen was headed home because her shrew of a grandmother was calling her.  WOOT!  It’s the first day of school!  Before heading out to school Jen has a tender moment with her mostly dead grandfather.  She pulls his pajama top down and examines his surgery scar, then creepily brushes her fingers against it.  Grams pops her head in the doorway and Jen looks up at her and says angelically, “I’m glad I’m here, Grams.” Grams is all like WHATEVS, you’re going to be late for school.  Haul your ass into the kitchen for some breakfast. Over breakfast, or lack of breakfast rather, because Jen just wants coffee, Jen and Grams discuss Jen’s new friends.  Grams says that Dawson Leery is trouble (RIIIIIGHT), and that Joey is always climbing in and out of Dawson’s window all the time (she has a point there), and that she is a “bad element”. Also that ::GASP:: neither one of them go to church!  At that, Jen reveals to Grams that she is an atheist which causes Grams to crap her Depends.

Grams Dawson

No comment.

JUMP CUT to the front of the high school.  It’s a normal first day of school, kids are milling about, playing frisbee, general 90’s stuff, and freakin’ CHUMBAWUMBA is playing.  What does a bad girl like Jen wear on the first day of school?  Why, a SKORT of course.  My husband Chad was watching this with me and he commented, “You can’t trust a girl wearing a skort.  They are masters of deception.  You think you are getting one thing, but then they turn around and it’s another.” I am pretty sure I wore a black and white checkered skort on my first day of high school.  I will have to double check my photo album.

Anywho, Pacey is in class goofing around, balancing a book on his head, when that sultry fox from the video store, Tamara Jacobs, walks in.  It turns out that she is Pacey’s teacher. WHO COULD’VE SEEN THAT COMING?! In another classroom Jen walks in and sits next to unwelcoming Joey. Jen is cheery and says to Joey, “I was hoping we’d have a class together.” and Joey gives her the facial expression equivalent of a fart and says, “Here we are.” They are going to be good friends.  Meanwhile, Dawson walks into a film class and cockily says, “Psycho.” after seeing the famous mother reveal scene on the classroom television.  The film teacher, Mr. Gold, is all like, “Oh, you know the film.” and Dawson smugly states some trivia about the movie like he is goddamned Robert Ebert or something.  God, the look on Dawson’s face. I wanted to jump into my television and roundhouse him in the jaw.

dawson smug

I am quite pleased with myself.

Mr. Gold is not at all impressed by Dawson’s squawking and asks who the hell he is and if he’s going to be in his class.  Dawson said that someone made an error and he was denied admittance into the film class.  Mr. Gold explains that the class is only for upperclassmen and asks why Dawson wants to be in the class so badly anyway.  Cue the irritating speech about how film is Dawson’s passion and it’s his life’s ambition to be a film maker and blah de blah de blah.  WE GET IT, YOU LIKE MOVIES.  Mr. Gold (god bless him) is nonplussed and basically tells him to sod off and come back next year.    DEAL WITH IT.

Outside in the hallway Jen and Joey are leaving class.  Jen out right asks Joey if she and Dawson are diddling and Joey says they are just friends and Jen says, “like we’re gonna be, I hope.” causing Joey to throw her some SERIOUS side eye.  Jen tells Joey about the things her Grams said about her and Joey confides that she is sort of a black sheep because her dad is in jail for selling weed, her mom is dead, and her sister is preggos with a black dude’s baby.  You know, just some light, casual conversation between classes.  After revealing everything about her life to Jen, Joey then mumbles out the side of her mouth, “He likes you, you know.” and Jen is like, “Who, the black boyfriend?” and Joey retorts, “No, ya dumb bitch, Dawson.” Okay, she didn’t say that, but she should have.  Instead she says some crap about don’t abuse his feelings or something, then brusquely walks away.

In the cafeteria, the Joey, Dawson, and Jen are having lunch together.  Dawson and Jen  make cute while Joey rolls her eyes at them.  I really can’t blame her.  Over in Teenboy Fantasyville, Pacey is BLATANTLY hitting on Ms. Tamara Jacobs and finds out that she is going to the movies that night.  Later Pacey tries to convince Dawson to accompany him to the movies so he can stalk Ms. Tamara Jacobs  and perhaps lose his virginity in a “high level fantasy fashion”.  Dawson tells him that is highly unlikely, but agrees to go along with Pacey to the movies. Amazingly enough, Dawson musters up enough balls to ask Jen to join him at the movies that evening.  Before Jen can answer the show cuts to Joey walking next to the creek, Dawson nearly runs her ass over with his bike then has the gall to tell her he has a “semiquasi date” with Jen and asks if she will act as Pacey’s faux date.  Joey rightfully tells him to go to hell but Dawson begs. You know you can’t say no to JVDB so Joey eventually breaks down and agrees to go to the movies with them.

Jen is getting ready for her date and has another awkward conversation with her Grams about church.  Jen says she will go to church with her Grams when she says the word ‘penis’.  Of course, Grams being an ‘ole stick in the mud stands with her mouth agape (ready for a penis?) and watches Jen leave for her date.  Terribly enough, this is better than the conversation Dawson has with his dad before his date, which entails his dad telling him to “play safe”, and Dawson going on an unrealistic tirade about how all everyone focuses on is sex SEX SEX. This, THIS, coming from a 15-year-old boy.  His dad says that sex is an important part of human nature, and Dawson asks why if sex is so important then why doesn’t Spielberg feature it in his films.  Apparently Dawson has never seen the director’s cut of Schindler’s List, which features a HUGE orgy scene.

Before we can carry on we have to talk about the outfit Dawson has chosen to wear on his big date.  He is wearing what looks to be linen pants, and a sweater that is six times too big.  He looks like a reject member of the Backstreet Boys, like he can only sing the bass parts and can’t dance.  He looks like a back alley massage therapist.  He looks vaguely Belgian. Is this how boys dressed in 1998?  CAN SOMEBODY WEIGH IN ON THIS IMPORTANT MATTER?

Dawson sweater

I never want to hear you say, I want it that way.

Down the creek, Joey is rushing out for her date (also wearing questionable clothes), when her sister stops her and tells her to lose her crappy attitude.  Then her sister manhandles her face, produces a lipstick from thin air, and roughly applies it to Joey’s lips.

Joey Dawson

You got purty lips.

Now the whole DC gang is walking down the street to the movies.  Joey is being a Grade A bitch to Jen, even asking if Jen is a virgin, before divulging that Dawson still has his v-card.  Joey claims she was just trying to “cut to the chase” and that two virgins would probably have awkward sex.  Jen says that she is in fact a virgin (no comment) and Joey quips that she lost her hymen years ago to a trucker named Bubba.   Dawson is none too pleased  with Joey’s shitty conversation skills and wants to punch her in the face for being a major twat.  Luckily they arrive to the theater before Joey can ask Jen if she’s ever been fingerbanged.  Everyone takes their seats and Pacey spots Ms. Foxy Tamara Jacobs walking down the aisle to sit up front.  He and his boner excuse themselves and follow her to her seat.  Concurrently, Dawson is hovering his hand over Jen’s trying to get the nerve to grab it.  Joey spies this and flips the fuck out.  She asks Jen if she is a “size queen” and Jen calmly retorts that as a virgin she hasn’t really thought about but asks Joey how she feels about penis size.  Dawson drags Joey out into the lobby, with Joey screaming about Dawson’s long fingers.  I sincerely feel sorry for the other patrons in the theater.  BTW, the movie that was playing was “Waiting for Guffman”–good flick.

Down front Pacey plops his ass down next to Ms. Foxy and tries to seduce her with Milk Duds (would’ve worked on me). Ms. Foxy Teacher’s date arrives and Pacey still doesn’t get the hint and won’t leave.  Some wackiness ensues and popcorn ends up getting spilled all over the dude behind him, who is rightfully pissed off about people having a full volume conversation in the movie theater, and he punches Pacey in the face.  FINALLY SOMEONE GETS PUNCHED IN THE FACE.

Outside in the lobby, Dawson and Joey are having a sexual tension filled argument.  Joey is reaming Dawson, telling him that he is living in some sort of fairy tale, and to grow up and stop living in the movies.  Then she storms out, leaving Dawson and his hair to think about what she said.  Guys, Katie Holmes was acting in this scene.  Brava, woman.  After this crapfest of an evening, Dawson walks Jen home and they have an awkward parting conversation.  Dawson goes in for the kiss but Jen decides to yammer on about how Dawson is a cool, talented guy, with clear skin instead of giving him some sweet tongue action.  The porch light flicks on and Grams is standing there like one half of the American Gothic painting, so Jen thanks Dawson and runs in while he’s fumbling pathetically.  She tells him, “I’m just going to pretend we kissed.”  Like that’s going to help anything.  The poor boy is probably already at half mast.

Poor poor Pacey is walking along dejectedly down by the marina, when who should he see but Ms. Foxy Tamara Jacobs.  She flutters over him, asking if he is okay, but Pacey ain’t gonna take no shit.  He chastises her and gives a speech worthy of Julia Sugarbaker, ending with this golden line, “Well, let me tell you something, you blew it, lady, ‘cause I’m the best sex you’ll never have.” and IT TOTALLY WORKS!

Pacey Dawson Teacher kiss

coo coo ca-choo Mrs. Robinson

Pacey’s mouth must’ve tasted like Slim Jims, because after they pull away Ms. Foxy Tamara Jacobs looks downright disgusted.  She sputters apologies and runs away into the night, leaving a smarmy Pacey on the dock with the stench of cougar and satisfaction wafting all around him.

Dawson trudges home up to his room only to find Joey hiding in his closet.  They apologize to each other, talk about their budding feelings, but agree that things can’t go any further between them. ::rolls eyes:: Joey gets up to leave, and Dawson asks where she’s going.  I’m pretty sure that we already covered that,bro.  Joey says she can’t sleep over anymore and there are things they just can’t talk about.  Dawson balks at this notion, and Joey responds by asking Dawson how often he “walks his dog”.  Dawson stalls and Joey interrogates further about his jerking off habits.  When Dawson still doesn’t answer, Joey’s face crumbles and tears glint in her eyes as she bids her goodbye and climbs out his window.  (This is ridiculous by the way.) A broken Joey crosses Dawson’s yard and gets into her boat as Dawson bangs his head against his closet door.  As if this wasn’t all as dramatic enough, The Pretenders “I’ll Stand by You” is blaring the entire time, all this , ALL THIS, because Dawson wouldn’t talk about jerking off.  Joey is untying her boat, ready to make that sad row back home, when Dawson leans out the window and YELLS, “Usually in the morning, with Katie Couric.” HELLS YEAH. Joey giggles, satisfied with his response and rows off.  But Joey doesn’t get far when she hears a car door slam, she looks up and sees Dawson’s big haired mom kissing her co-anchor.   DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN.  End episode.

Holy crap.  I did it.  Over 3,000 words later, I did it.  Guys, this was much more trying than I thought it would be.  But I think I can do it.  I can power through.  This picture of Joey sums up my feelings on the entire ordeal.

Joey cringing.

But we can do it, TOGETHER. TOGETHER.

Kolleen: Letty, I applaud you. There really isn’t much to be said that you didn’t already say, but can we talk about how both shows we reviewed beyond DGN have adulterous adults? No wonder these teens are climbing into windows and going to raves and jerking off to Katie Couric and making out with teachers and black out while drinking. I HAVE SO MUCH RESIDUAL ANGST!

And also, that Dawson’s outfit is so bad, even the newscaster on the television is giving him the evil eye.

Tune in tomorrow, readers, when we go back to DGN. Every post is a post closer to Craig.

Dawson’s Creek: PILOT

Letty:  Let’s all jump in the Wayback Machine and set a course for early 1998.  I was 15 years old, wore jeans from Gap Kids, and had braces.  I had only kissed two boys and had not yet learned to use my body for evil.  This was the age of Dawson’s Creek.  I LOVED this show, I remember watching it with my high school befri. I’m not sure, but I think we used to tape episodes so we could watch them again and again.  I even had a Betta fish named Dawson.  Unfortunately, I overfed him and he died, much like my interest in the show.  Dawson’s Creek ran for six seasons, and I can’t say I stuck with it till the end.  But I am ready to tackle this shit now, JOIN ME.

So it begins.  It opens with a young lithe Joey Potter (Katie “Freebird” Holmes) and a floppy haired  Dawson Leery (JVDB) lying in bed watching the end of E.T. Dawson’s bedroom is plastered with Steven Spielberg posters hinting that he may have some interest in film.  Anyways, after the movie ends they flip over and catch the tail end of Dawson’s mother, Gail’s, newscast.  While Dawson quietly contemplates his mother’s Dynasty-esque hair, Joey slips on her shoes to leave out of Dawson’s bedroom window like a reverse Sam from Clarissa Explains it All ::guitar twang:: Dawson is baffled by this and asks Joey why she isn’t going to spend the night like she always did on Saturdays.  Joey spews out some nonsense about how they are  15 and  they can’t sleep in the same bed together because they are evolving and she has breasts and he has genitalia and things  are ~~changing~~. Dawson scoffs at the idea of them growing up and after some sexual tension filled play fighting and  unrealistic dialogue they go to sleep fully clothed with their friendship intact and unscathed.  OR IS IT?

dawson joey

Dawson is clearly a bed hog.

Now, this was all before the opening credits.  I may have to make this review a two-parter because a lot of shit happens and I get fatigued easily.  Interesting fact:  the pilot has a completely different theme song.  I sat there expecting the irritating but soothing warbling of Paula Cole but received some generic crap instead.  Meh. The next scene has Joey sunning her long ass legs when all of sudden she is attacked by the Creature from the Black Lagoon (Creek?). Then Mulder and Scully show up! Oh wait, it is just one of Dawson’s caaarrrazy film projects.  He likes movies, guys!  The monster is our beloved Pacey (Joshua Jackson) sporting an on trend Caesar cut.  Everyone on this show has such distracting hair!  I can’t handle it!  There is some light bickering between the gang,  when Dawson is distracted by a taxi that pulls up next door.  Out slo-mo walks one Jen Lindley (Michelle Williams)  accompanied by a soft glow and song that literally includes the words, “Hey, pretty girl” just in case the viewer isn’t able to discern Jen’s beauty themselves.

Jen Dawson

Boner City!

Dawson and Pacey ignore their hot wet friend Joey and go all googoogaga over this sassy blond from New York.  Jen has moved down to Capeside to help her Grandmother look after her Grandfather who just had open heart surgery.  I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason and not because she got into any kind of trouble in New York.  Everyone discovers that they will all be starting 10th grade together which doesn’t please Joey in the least but gives Dawson a definite half chub.  Dawson and Pacey discuss banging Jen when they walk in on Dawson’s parents making out hardcore in their living room.  They are so in love!  Dawson’s mom calls his dad, Mr. Man Meat, which made me inwardly cringe. Meanwhile, Joey rows her ass back home down the creek.  When she arrives home, we get some insight in to little Joey’s life.  She is living with her pregnant sister and her sister’s baby daddy who happens to be African American.  He is a chef or something and is working on a sauce that both Joey and her sister claims is, “orgasmic”.  Then with any sort of proper segue at all, we cut to Pacey and Dawson’s job at Screen Play video store.  Remember video stores?  They existed.  They really did.  It’s all in a day’s work until a hot older babe walks into the store and instantly Pacey’s interest is piqued.  This was before the term cougar was used, but Tamara Jacobs is a definite cougar, right down to the short, slinky sundress.

foxy lady

Foxy lady.

Pacey and Ms. Jacobs have a conversation laced with double entendres before she leaves renting The Graduate.  I don’t think  she could’ve been more obvious in her intentions if she had asked to rent the Mary Kay Letourneau Story.  I am really impressed with how forward Pacey is during their brief interaction.  If I were Ms. Jacobs I probably would’ve pulled him out back for a quick handy, but that’s just me.

After work Dawson heads home and finds Jen lounging on the dock seductively.  They yammer on about her grandpa and his interest in film and he invites her up into his room.  She seems vaguely impressed by Dawson’s Spielberg obsession and film making endeavors, but has to leave because her grandma is calling her.  Little Joey was waiting on a ladder  eavesdropping at Dawson’s window and waits to crawl in until after Jen leaves.  Dawson shows Joey a tape of his mom’s newscast and asks if she thinks his mom is having an affair with her co-anchor.  Are they?  We’ll just have to find out.

Part two of my review is coming tomorrow!  There is so much more to talk about.   The first day of 10th grade!  More weird 90’s hair!  Crazy sexy cougars!  STAY TUNED.

Kolleen:  Wow! I didn’t realize so much happened in the first episode of DC. I’ll have to watch too so I can keep up– I used to watch it on the phone with my boyfriend. Young love! We were just like Joey and Dawson, except we weren’t and I dumped him for this hot guy I ended up marrying.  And you KNOW that Jen is going to be trouble… this is exciting.

Should We Go There?

Letty: There is a plethora of teen shows for us to delve into.  It is hard to choose which ones to cover.  After looking through Netflix I stumbled upon the ultimate–DAWSON’S CREEK.  Do we dare enter the world of Pacey, Joey, Jen, and Dawson again?  We will be able to escape if we do?  Now that we are jaded and thirty, we will be able to handle Joey’s weird side-mouth talking and Dawson’s floppy hair?

JVDB says, “Bring it.”

Besides, if we don’t cover Dawson’s Creek, what are we going to do with the wealth of Van Der Memes we have on our hands?  IT’S ON.

Kolleen:  Yes! We must revisit Dawson’s Creek. I’ve been wanting to rewatch, and now that Katie Holmes is a freebird I feel like we owe it to her. I don’t want to wait….for the first post! Do it now!