Category Archives: Uncategorized

We’re BACK (we hope)

Holy crapoli! Has it really been almost three years since we’ve updated this thing? I guess life really is what happens when you’re busy drinking Deep Eddy vodka or singing in a Devo cover band. 

Look, we’re sorry we let things get in the way of reviewing episodes of teen- aimed junk television, but with our rewatching of Skins and the Degrassi reunion announced, we’ve decided to get off of our duffs and bring Thirtysometeen back from the dead. Maybe we’ll even throw in some social commentary!

We’re older in calendar years, but in our hearts we’re always 15. Stay tuned as we update the site and queue up some My So- Called Life.

XOXOXO,

Kolleen and Letty

 

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New Year, New *~US~*

Hey everyone! Long time no see!

2013 proved to be a lot more hectic than we anticipated, and we didn’t get to update as much as we would have liked to. However, Kolleen got a new laptop and completed grad school, and Letty got a tattoo and went to Mexico! So at least we accomplished something.

Anyway, our resolution is to get this blog back on track, which means new reviews on old shows, the return of My So Called Mondays, new contests, and a lot of pining over Cook, Craig, and I guess any other teen heart-throbs with a name that begins with “C”!

If you have any suggestions regarding shows you’d like us to tackle, let us know in the comments, and don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

-Kolleen & Letty

P.S. Did anyone watch those weird Skins episodes, “Fire”, “Pure”, and “Rise”? We didn’t yet, and we feel…unsure.

skins

Update/An Open Letter

Hey everyone! We’ve been on summer vacation and the thought of looking at a computer makes us sick! But now fall is upon us, so it looks like reviews will be coming your way. Maybe a contest or two as well!

But this post is not to get your hopes up. This post is a call- out.

Earlier today, one of Kolleen’s friends posted this article, which is in itself an open letter to young girls everywhere that insist on taking scandalous selfies and plastering them on the internet. While we do acknowledge that the youth of today is becoming increasingly sexualized, what comes off as a caring and concerned voice of reason is really, upon further examination, slut- shamey and misogynist. And we don’t like that.

So here is OUR open letter to “Mrs. Hall”, who seems to really love to contradict herself by posting pictures of her sons half- naked in a post about keeping your clothes on (and then, of course, reposts the same article with different pictures because everyone called her out on it):

Hey, Mrs. Hall:

At first we were torn about your blog post. We agree that young girls shouldn’t feel the need to post half- naked pictures of themselves in order to feel legitimized, but then, who wasn’t a young attention seeker at one point? Something didn’t sit well with us when we were reading, though, and it goes beyond your weird decision to include pictures of your sons (half naked and flexing) on the beach. But hey, we have kids too, and we like to show them off, so whatever; everyone else already pointed out how silly that was.

Here’s our advice on how to deal with the fact that women exist in the same world as your sons: Maybe instead of just blocking the pictures you deem “provocative”, you need to have an open discourse with your sons about respecting women. This “boys will be boys” attitude is, quite frankly, crap. Just because you block the pictures doesn’t mean you are blinding them to provocative images. You can’t control what they see when you’re not around. Teaching them how to handle what they see and their emotions is key. You are very naive if you think blocking out the world is the solution. It is only going to lead to problems down the road.

The idea that “boys can’t control themselves, please don’t be sexually attractive” is preposterous. Do you think your sons will never see a girl who is attractive? Or sexually arousing? Do they stare at the ground when a pretty girl walks by? And if they do see a physically appealing girl, are they responsible for their actions towards them? Because news flash: teens have hormones, and they are going wild. The idea that men can’t control themselves is not only insulting to men, but contributes to rape culture, something we definitely don’t need more of. “Boys will be boys” is the worst saying that has ever been invented, next to “the customer is always right”. 

The idea, by the way, that women are not physically attracted but rather run on emotional connection is absurd and insulting. Is this 1950? You need to check your audience, because they are biased, bigoted, and disgusting. Some of the comments you received are shocking in their idiocy. Do people like this really exist in the world? Because that is scary.

You could probably do well to stop shaming young women who post pictures, especially if they’re old enough to make those decisions for themselves. Yes, our youth is sexually precocious, but shaming is never the way to get them to see that they’re not objects; in fact, it’s just solidifying the idea that the only reason women are on Earth is to be visually pleasing, like a prop. You seem fairly into Jesus, perhaps you should go by his example of “Love Thy Neighbor”, a golden rule most Christians seem so easily to forget.

They’re not your daughters– I mean we know they may stain your precious boys’ souls, but get a grip. We’re willing to bet your sons are very embarrassed by your helicopter- shame- patrol. We would be. And if you think men of integrity don’t linger over young, attractive girls, then honey, we just don’t know. And on that note, if they did have this “integrity”, you wouldn’t have to block the images, because they wouldn’t be interested.

Teach your sons respect, how to deal with women with respect and dignity. That’s all we can do as parents. This is not a man’s world. We are all equal. Stop whining about young girls and their selfies and have your sons write a 50 page essay on slut- shaming and the equality of women in today’s world.

Jesus Saves,

Kolleen and Letty

(along with several Facebook friends who contributed to this conversation)

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We promise we’ll be back to making fun of Degrassi as soon as possible.

DNG S1 Ep 14: Under Pressure

Letty:  Welcome back to the exciting drama filled world of Degrassi!  When we left off some awkward looking Canadian preteens were doing some things and saying some stuff and being slightly annoying.  Sorry guys, I can’t EVEN  focus on the past right now when we are so close to ~CRAIG~.  Anyways, this episode starts  with that Canadian hunk of  a man Tracker quizzing Sean for his upcoming Media Immersion test.  Sean keeps getting the answers wrong and he is getting mad pissed.  He is so worked up he can’t even help his brother fix motorcycles properly. Between questions, Tracker mentions to Sean that their mom called, and  wants to talk to Sean about moving back to disgusting Wasaga Beach. Sean it NOT having it, he flips out and starts knocking shit over.  Now, I looked Wasaga Beach up on Wikipedia, and it looks like a really nice place.  I don’t know what Sean is so mad about.  But, this young man has quite the temper!  He tells Tracker, “You are not my social worker, okay!”, but Tracker, ever the good big bro, has some decent advice for Sean, “Keep your nose clean, get good grades, and everything will be okay.”  Tracker, man, what a dream boat.

dream tracker

More like, DREAM Tracker, amirite? What?

So, it is the day of the Media Immersion test. JT and Toby are stressing out about it when Liberty and Emma stroll up.  The credits aren’t even finished and Liberty is already being annoying.  She is wearing a floor length denim skirt, HELLO.  Even Snake is annoyed by her. She pulls out a pocket calculator to calculate how high her grade has to be to get an A+ in Media Immersion and Snake fakes hearing Mr. Radditch calling him to avoid speaking to her.  UGH FUCKING LIBERTY.

snake pained

I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

Emma and Sean are at his locker when Jimmy walks by and says some smart ass remark, which really isn’t that big of deal, but Sean gets all butthurt.  If y’all don’t remember, Jimmy and Sean have some bad blood between them that you can read about here. Down the hall Spinner, simple, simple Spinner is trying to impress Paige and waste time.  He yells at Paige to “Check this out!”, then just starts dribbling a basketball in a circle around her. He looks like a St. Bernard puppy or like he would make an excellent Lennie in the Degrassi production of John Steinbeck’s “Of Mice and Men”.  Spinner’s impressive moves make him and Paige late for class, and who does he walk right into?   Mrs. Kwan! HUWHAT?

It turns out her husband has finished his chemo, so she has come back to teach.  Just in time to give a test!  Oscar that weird extra kid who we don’t know anything about raises his hand and says he doesn’t feel well. It turns out he has the flu, and that gives Spinner an idea! Simple Spinner, do you really think playing sick is going to get you out of a test?  We cut to Emma and Sean walking up to his house.  They are going to study but Sean doesn’t want to study at his house because he is embarrassed.  He doesn’t even want Emma to COME  in the house and makes her wait outside.  My theory, Tracker leaves a lot of porn laying around.   Speaking of dreamboats,  Tracker pulls up and starts talking shit to Emma, because he is still mad about her editorial in the school newspaper.  This episode sure has a lot of callbacks to other episodes.  He is yelling at her and is all like, “You think you’re a good influence on him? CAUSE YOU ARE.”  WHOA!  HE TWISTED IT ALL AROUND! HE ACTED LIKE HE WAS YELLING AT HER, BUT THEN COMPLIMENTED HER INSTEAD.  It turns out that Sean hasn’t gotten in trouble since he’s been hanging out with Emma.  Probably because Emma is exceptionally boring and her  idea of trouble is writing a controversial newspaper article.  Emma wants to know more about this “trouble” because she is a nosy bitch, but Tracker tells her not to worry about it.

Sean and Emma are studying at her house.  She is trying to teach him some stupid pneumonic device to help him with the test.  Sean tells her that, “she is such a Liberty” which is a HUGE insult.  In response Emma tosses a dish rag right into Sean’s face. He playfully tosses it back, and she throws it back in his face, it’s all quite riveting.  In a playful tone Sean says, “You wanna mess with me? I’ll mess you up, I’m big trouble.” and Emma being the giant buzzkill that she is replies,  “Yeah, I heard.  Tracker said you got into trouble once”.  FOR GOD’S SAKE EMMA, just fucking be cool for once in your life.  It turns out that when Sean was living in Wasaga Beach he got into a  fight with some kid and permanently deafened him one ear.  Sean isn’t proud of what he did, he just can’t control his temper, but he claims to be working on it.   During this entire scene Sean’s earring is distractingly  prominent.  Emma seems pretty cool with all this actually, only because  the incident happened a year ago. OH YES,  like that is so long ago.

It is the day of test.  Sean is hella nervous.  The entire test is online, something that Snake seems especially smug about.  The students only have 45 minutes to complete the exam, after that they are SOL.  Elsewhere on campus,  Spinner and Paige are in class.  Spinner is yammering on about how he plans to get sick on purpose and Paige says she doesn’t care about his stupid plan.   For once I agree with Paige, I hate this subplot.   Terri comes in sneezing, so Spinner gets all up in her business trying to catch her germs. Spinner volunteers to throw away Terri’s coffee cup then runs his finger around the brim and licks it.  ~tres declasse~

Spinner gross

I don’t know what I’m most turned off by, this disgusting act or the tribal flames on his shirt.

Meanwhile, Sean is struggling with his media immersion test.  He is in the middle of  naming two file extensions, when the screen flashes that time is up. Sean didn’t finish!  To make matters worse, Liberty pops in like a fucking goddamn annoying popup ad, and screeches  “45 minutes remember, timed!”

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MUST PUNCH

Sean is understandably  pissed,  he thinks he fails at everything he’s ever tried. Exacerbating the situation is Emma who keeps whining at him until Sean finally snaps at her and says, “Emma, don’t talk to me okay, just leave me alone.” then sulks away.  RUROH, Sean’s anger is starting to get the better of him, as evident in him punching his poor defenseless locker. Jimmy, with very poor timing,  walks by and starts  joking  around with Sean.  Sean gets all butthurt AGAIN, and is all aggressive towards Jimmy.  After an extremely heated exchange ::rolls eyes:: in which Jimmy calls Sean a FREAK (ice burn!) they start shoving each other around ineffectively.    Coach Armstrong breaks them up,  but it’s ON.  Sean yells after Jimmy, “I’LL SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL.”   I hope it’s a fight to the death.

drake violence

Violence against Drake is always acceptable.

It’s time for Mrs. Kwan’s test, and Spinner running back and forth down hallway, try to get his temperature up.   It works!  Mrs. Kwan feels his forehead and sends him to the nurse. Over in Media Immersion class everyone is gossiping about Sean and Jimmy’s fight after school. Why are they in Media Immersion class AGAIN?  Do they only have one class?  Sean strolls in late,  and Snake gives him lunch time detention.  Is that even allowed?  Does Sean not get to eat?  DOESN’T SNAKE CARE ABOUT SEAN’S BLOOD SUGAR?!  Over in the nurse’s office the nurse takes Spinner’s temperature. The nurse is a man,  which I think is very progressive.  It turns out that Spinner has a normal temperature.  Spinner claims that the thermometer is faulty, and the nurse says he has a tried and true method, and pulls out a giant thermometer and covers it in Vasoline.  Spinner exclaims, “I don’t want that gunk in mouth”, and in the creepiest line in Degrassi history the nurse says, “It’s not going in your mouth”. Spinner runs out and the nurse starts laughing, then presumably starts jacking off.  Back in class Mrs. Kwan tells Spinner to stop pulling all this dumb shit, and to channel the energy he expended making up schemes into school work. Mrs. Kwan is one sage bitch.

Well, Spinner passed the test.  YAY, who cares?  IT’S TIME FOR THE FIGHT! Sean goes to fetch Jimmy to give him a world class ass whooping.  Jimmy protests, saying “We don’t have to do this, it’s stupid”, and Sean retorts “No wonder Armstrong cut you from the team.”  DANG THEMS FIGHTING WORDS.Everyone in the entire school is mad pumped up for the fight as they follow Jimmy and Sean into some alley.  Emma is there being annoying and whining at Sean to stop.  Jimmy and Sean go right at it.  They start pushing each other, as most lame middle school fights begin.  Sean actually connects a couple of punches. Everyone is chanting “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!” like they are at a hockey game or something.  The boys are wrassling, when stupid Emma grabs at Sean. In the heat of the moment he yells,”Emma get out of here!” (my sentiment exactly) and pushes her to the ground.  She is mad upset and runs away with tears in her eyes.  Sean calls after her, doing the worst James Dean impression ever. Man, at this point I accidentally rewinded too far and had to watch the whole stupid fight over again. UGH.

It’s the next day,  Jimmy is walking with his friends going over the fight, “Then the coward walks away after picking a fight and throwing his girlfriend to the ground.”  Ashley is still pissed and gives him the cold shoulder.  Spinner is in high spirits from passing all his tests, and that it’s the weekend, but UH OH he starts sneezing.  Looks like his plan to contract the flu actually worked.  SPINNER SHENANIGANS. Sean also passed his test with a B-.  He tries to tell Emma his good news but she just walks by and ignores him.  He pleads for her to stop, and we are treated with a very brief  Manny appearance!  He apologizes, saying “I should have listened to you, and I’m sorry.” Emma stone faces him and says “Yeah, so am I.” DAMMMMMMMN, that’s cold Em. END EPISODE.

DRAMA.  God, what an uneventful episode.  This was really a chore guys, that’s why it took me like two months to write this.  But it all leads up to the EXCITING SEASON FINALE, and then IT’S ~CRAIG MANNING~ TIME.

The Clouds Parted and There, Stood Craig

All right, all right.  It’s been a million years since we’ve posted and we promised that we’d have a new recap up on numerous occasions, but what can we say?  We are lazy liars. SBT.  It is cruel to have such a lengthy break between Degrassi recaps, especially when Craig is so damn close.

But never fear, my friends. We are back.  I will finish up recapping episode 14 (a fairly wretched Sean ep.) and will have it for your snarking consumption by tomorrow evening.  Also, word on the street is that Kolleen has a new Skins recap coming soon.  PLUS, My So Called Mondays will be making a triumphant return.

Catalano, ~Craig~, Cassie–CAN YOU EVEN HANDLE IT?

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I Have A Severe Problem With 90210

Kolleen: Hey everyone. I know we don’t review 90210 (even though we might, somewhere down the line, especially since it’s ending like next week), but I have a HUGE problem with it that I just have to get off my chest. 

On the show, Silver has a surrogate that is carrying her baby because Teddy donated sperm but doesn’t understand why she wants to raise the baby on her own. That kind of irked me, because like wtf, she found out she has to have a baby ASAP because of the cancer that is lurking around the corner (I know, this is really dumb), and Teddy, her supposed BFF, is being a huge assbutt. 

So she agrees to have this surrogate, who of course is like YAY until Dixon realizes this chick can sing, and wants her to go on tour and all this crap. Meanwhile, Adriana is being a bitch, saying all Silver cares about is herself, and everyone gets on this “we hate Silver” train. “She only cares about this ~baby~” they say, throwing some serious shade.

THIS IS A BABY. It’s not like she’s buying a new car! IT’S A LIVING HUMAN BEING! IT’S INSIDE ANOTHER PERSON! Of course she’s concerned with how her surrogate is acting or what she wants to do. SHE’S PREGNANT WITH HER BABY. OH MY GOD WHAT IS EVERYONE’S ISSUE? I can’t even deal with this. 

I am so glad this show is over. I went from really loving it to hate watching it. I mean it’s 90210, not Hedda Gabler, but still! 

What do you think about Silver? Is she a selfish B or a concerned mom?

Mortifying March: THE WINNER, And The Rest

Hey y’all! Thanks for submitting to our MORTIFYING MARCH contest. We had a great response and one horrifying story that was deemed the winner by myself and Letty. The winner will receive a mystery box, and when I actually put it together I’ll post a pic on our Facebook page. Anyway, here we go. We even submitted our own stories because we’re fearless. The winner is posted last, because it’s the best.

A says:

I went on a couple dates with this guy and we decided to seal the deal, so I grabbed a condom. This guy was abnormally small in stature but so am I, so I figured it might work. I pulled down his boxers and I felt like I was about to change a baby’s diaper. IT was so small.  I gave him a chance though, and we started to do it. We went to change positions and his dick just came out of the condom and the condom just stayed inside me. He blamed it on me being too small to handle him, then asked me out again the next day like nothing happened!

Another A, who is a brave sort, sent us a picture with her submission!

When I was in 7th grade for whatever reason these platform type shoes were in style. I think it was a 70s revival flashback style courtesy of D*Lite or something (groove IS in the heart). So I was chubby and awkward and I was so lucky to wear a size 6 shoe. Anyone who knows about shoe stores knows they typically use size 6 as the display size– so I found this bitchin’ pair of white platform shoes and took them from the display and proudly put them on my feet– that is, until my top heavy-ness toppled me to the ground. I not only fell– right there in the middle of Bakker shoes, but I also took two whole display cases with me. Imagine my horror when I looked up from the shoetastrophe to see 3 of the most popular girls in school standing there, mouths agape.
I ran out of that store faster than you’d ever seen me run anywhere. This is why I still refuse to wear high heels. 😦
The dream of the 90s is alive in this picture

The dream of the 90s is alive in this picture

Here’s Kolleen’s story:

It’s hard for me to think of an embarrassing story because I’m pretty perfect in every way. But once, back in 2000, I was hanging out with a really good friend of mine and I was trying to act as though I had a lot of movie knowledge (he’s a big movie guy). So he suggested we watch Sling Blade which I had never seen. Now you have to think that in 2000 Billy Bob Thornton was married to Angelina Jolie and they were both very heroin chic at the time.

So we watched Sling Blade and when the movie ended I turned to my friend and said, “I thought Billy Bob Thornton was in this movie.” And he looked at me like I was the biggest idiot. Because, if you don’t k now, BILLY BOB THORNTON IS IN LITERALLY EVERY SCENE OF THE MOVIE. He was just fatter back then. Oh god, I never lived it down. It embarrasses me to this day.

I reckon you’re not very bright

Here is Letty’s tale of woe:

Guh, I have so many embarrassing stories, because I am a beautiful, beautiful fuck up, but this is one of my favorites.  When I was junior in high school, I was painfully in love with this soccer player named Ryan. I was a trainer, so that meant that I went to all the soccer games, and wrapped ankles and gave water when needed and shit.  I used to love watching Ryan play,  he was so dreamy, and looked like a stallion when he ran up and down the field.  I would have cut off my left tit just to hold his hand.  So I did what any reasonable 16 year old girl would do, I resorted to magic.

I bought the Little Book of Love Spells and I was convinced that I could charm this popular senior, stud of a boy into falling in love with me.  I waited until the moon was right, and performed my spell. To complete the spell, I had to give the object of my affection a shell to symbolize my womanhood or something.  It took me FOREVER to find a shell in my house, even though we went to the beach all the time. But I finally found a tiny white shell and I was ready for him to fall in love.

The next day after soccer practice I nervously approached him in the training room while he was icing his knee.  He was a captive audience!  I gave him my best braces filled smiled and told him how great I thought he’d been doing on the field and some other sad, awkward ramblings that I have blocked from my memory.  He seem unimpressed.  Then I told him that I had a little something for him for good luck and I placed the shell in his hand.  With barely even a glance, he chunked the shell as hard as he possibly could across the room.  I stood there with my mouth hanging open for a second before I screeched, “Why did you do that, it was a shell!”  He said, “Oh, I thought it was a piece of chewed gum.”  Needless to say, we didn’t make a love connection as I was too embarrassed to ever talk to him again.  But that’s okay, I looked him up on Facebook recently and he is totally fat now.

And now… THE WINNER of our MORTIFYING MARCH CONTEST!

L says: 

I used to be a dancer at a fully nude strip club. Classy, I know. It is my firm belief that if most strip club patrons spent a minute behind the scenes in the dressing room, they’d never be able to be aroused by a stripper again. All sorts of decidedly non-demure things happen there: girls squatting down to carefully trim their tampon strings, sharing gross stories (“I was giving this guy a private dance and I had to fart SO bad … eventually I just had to pull this move where I got up and twirled away, then blasted one in the opposite direction and hoped he couldn’t smell it.”), bending over and spreading ‘em in front of a mirror to make sure nothing undesirable is clinging to their lady bits … it can get pretty ugly.

Anyway, one day I was dancing on stage and these two guys kept giggling and whispering to each other. I was annoyed, but managed to ignore them. One can only expect so much maturity in an establishment where women flash their hoo-hahs for crinkled dollar bills. After I got off stage, it occurred to me: I had forgotten to do my mirror-check. Holding my breath, I positioned my back to the mirror, bent over and looked back. Sure enough I discovered that, while I had been rolling around on stage, seductively stretching my legs apart and giving my best “come hither” stare, there had been (glowing brightly beneath the black lights) a thin shred of toilet paper pasted to my vag.

stripper strippers

And there you have it folks! Thank you L for your horrifying story. Thank you all for submitting!  We really appreciate all of our readers!  Look for pictures of our awesome prize box on our Facebook page.  We will be having more contests as the year goes on. Stay tuned for some long overdue updates!