Tag Archives: canada

DNG S1 Ep 14: Under Pressure

Letty:  Welcome back to the exciting drama filled world of Degrassi!  When we left off some awkward looking Canadian preteens were doing some things and saying some stuff and being slightly annoying.  Sorry guys, I can’t EVEN  focus on the past right now when we are so close to ~CRAIG~.  Anyways, this episode starts  with that Canadian hunk of  a man Tracker quizzing Sean for his upcoming Media Immersion test.  Sean keeps getting the answers wrong and he is getting mad pissed.  He is so worked up he can’t even help his brother fix motorcycles properly. Between questions, Tracker mentions to Sean that their mom called, and  wants to talk to Sean about moving back to disgusting Wasaga Beach. Sean it NOT having it, he flips out and starts knocking shit over.  Now, I looked Wasaga Beach up on Wikipedia, and it looks like a really nice place.  I don’t know what Sean is so mad about.  But, this young man has quite the temper!  He tells Tracker, “You are not my social worker, okay!”, but Tracker, ever the good big bro, has some decent advice for Sean, “Keep your nose clean, get good grades, and everything will be okay.”  Tracker, man, what a dream boat.

dream tracker

More like, DREAM Tracker, amirite? What?

So, it is the day of the Media Immersion test. JT and Toby are stressing out about it when Liberty and Emma stroll up.  The credits aren’t even finished and Liberty is already being annoying.  She is wearing a floor length denim skirt, HELLO.  Even Snake is annoyed by her. She pulls out a pocket calculator to calculate how high her grade has to be to get an A+ in Media Immersion and Snake fakes hearing Mr. Radditch calling him to avoid speaking to her.  UGH FUCKING LIBERTY.

snake pained

I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

Emma and Sean are at his locker when Jimmy walks by and says some smart ass remark, which really isn’t that big of deal, but Sean gets all butthurt.  If y’all don’t remember, Jimmy and Sean have some bad blood between them that you can read about here. Down the hall Spinner, simple, simple Spinner is trying to impress Paige and waste time.  He yells at Paige to “Check this out!”, then just starts dribbling a basketball in a circle around her. He looks like a St. Bernard puppy or like he would make an excellent Lennie in the Degrassi production of John Steinbeck’s “Of Mice and Men”.  Spinner’s impressive moves make him and Paige late for class, and who does he walk right into?   Mrs. Kwan! HUWHAT?

It turns out her husband has finished his chemo, so she has come back to teach.  Just in time to give a test!  Oscar that weird extra kid who we don’t know anything about raises his hand and says he doesn’t feel well. It turns out he has the flu, and that gives Spinner an idea! Simple Spinner, do you really think playing sick is going to get you out of a test?  We cut to Emma and Sean walking up to his house.  They are going to study but Sean doesn’t want to study at his house because he is embarrassed.  He doesn’t even want Emma to COME  in the house and makes her wait outside.  My theory, Tracker leaves a lot of porn laying around.   Speaking of dreamboats,  Tracker pulls up and starts talking shit to Emma, because he is still mad about her editorial in the school newspaper.  This episode sure has a lot of callbacks to other episodes.  He is yelling at her and is all like, “You think you’re a good influence on him? CAUSE YOU ARE.”  WHOA!  HE TWISTED IT ALL AROUND! HE ACTED LIKE HE WAS YELLING AT HER, BUT THEN COMPLIMENTED HER INSTEAD.  It turns out that Sean hasn’t gotten in trouble since he’s been hanging out with Emma.  Probably because Emma is exceptionally boring and her  idea of trouble is writing a controversial newspaper article.  Emma wants to know more about this “trouble” because she is a nosy bitch, but Tracker tells her not to worry about it.

Sean and Emma are studying at her house.  She is trying to teach him some stupid pneumonic device to help him with the test.  Sean tells her that, “she is such a Liberty” which is a HUGE insult.  In response Emma tosses a dish rag right into Sean’s face. He playfully tosses it back, and she throws it back in his face, it’s all quite riveting.  In a playful tone Sean says, “You wanna mess with me? I’ll mess you up, I’m big trouble.” and Emma being the giant buzzkill that she is replies,  “Yeah, I heard.  Tracker said you got into trouble once”.  FOR GOD’S SAKE EMMA, just fucking be cool for once in your life.  It turns out that when Sean was living in Wasaga Beach he got into a  fight with some kid and permanently deafened him one ear.  Sean isn’t proud of what he did, he just can’t control his temper, but he claims to be working on it.   During this entire scene Sean’s earring is distractingly  prominent.  Emma seems pretty cool with all this actually, only because  the incident happened a year ago. OH YES,  like that is so long ago.

It is the day of test.  Sean is hella nervous.  The entire test is online, something that Snake seems especially smug about.  The students only have 45 minutes to complete the exam, after that they are SOL.  Elsewhere on campus,  Spinner and Paige are in class.  Spinner is yammering on about how he plans to get sick on purpose and Paige says she doesn’t care about his stupid plan.   For once I agree with Paige, I hate this subplot.   Terri comes in sneezing, so Spinner gets all up in her business trying to catch her germs. Spinner volunteers to throw away Terri’s coffee cup then runs his finger around the brim and licks it.  ~tres declasse~

Spinner gross

I don’t know what I’m most turned off by, this disgusting act or the tribal flames on his shirt.

Meanwhile, Sean is struggling with his media immersion test.  He is in the middle of  naming two file extensions, when the screen flashes that time is up. Sean didn’t finish!  To make matters worse, Liberty pops in like a fucking goddamn annoying popup ad, and screeches  “45 minutes remember, timed!”

Screenshot_4

MUST PUNCH

Sean is understandably  pissed,  he thinks he fails at everything he’s ever tried. Exacerbating the situation is Emma who keeps whining at him until Sean finally snaps at her and says, “Emma, don’t talk to me okay, just leave me alone.” then sulks away.  RUROH, Sean’s anger is starting to get the better of him, as evident in him punching his poor defenseless locker. Jimmy, with very poor timing,  walks by and starts  joking  around with Sean.  Sean gets all butthurt AGAIN, and is all aggressive towards Jimmy.  After an extremely heated exchange ::rolls eyes:: in which Jimmy calls Sean a FREAK (ice burn!) they start shoving each other around ineffectively.    Coach Armstrong breaks them up,  but it’s ON.  Sean yells after Jimmy, “I’LL SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL.”   I hope it’s a fight to the death.

drake violence

Violence against Drake is always acceptable.

It’s time for Mrs. Kwan’s test, and Spinner running back and forth down hallway, try to get his temperature up.   It works!  Mrs. Kwan feels his forehead and sends him to the nurse. Over in Media Immersion class everyone is gossiping about Sean and Jimmy’s fight after school. Why are they in Media Immersion class AGAIN?  Do they only have one class?  Sean strolls in late,  and Snake gives him lunch time detention.  Is that even allowed?  Does Sean not get to eat?  DOESN’T SNAKE CARE ABOUT SEAN’S BLOOD SUGAR?!  Over in the nurse’s office the nurse takes Spinner’s temperature. The nurse is a man,  which I think is very progressive.  It turns out that Spinner has a normal temperature.  Spinner claims that the thermometer is faulty, and the nurse says he has a tried and true method, and pulls out a giant thermometer and covers it in Vasoline.  Spinner exclaims, “I don’t want that gunk in mouth”, and in the creepiest line in Degrassi history the nurse says, “It’s not going in your mouth”. Spinner runs out and the nurse starts laughing, then presumably starts jacking off.  Back in class Mrs. Kwan tells Spinner to stop pulling all this dumb shit, and to channel the energy he expended making up schemes into school work. Mrs. Kwan is one sage bitch.

Well, Spinner passed the test.  YAY, who cares?  IT’S TIME FOR THE FIGHT! Sean goes to fetch Jimmy to give him a world class ass whooping.  Jimmy protests, saying “We don’t have to do this, it’s stupid”, and Sean retorts “No wonder Armstrong cut you from the team.”  DANG THEMS FIGHTING WORDS.Everyone in the entire school is mad pumped up for the fight as they follow Jimmy and Sean into some alley.  Emma is there being annoying and whining at Sean to stop.  Jimmy and Sean go right at it.  They start pushing each other, as most lame middle school fights begin.  Sean actually connects a couple of punches. Everyone is chanting “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!” like they are at a hockey game or something.  The boys are wrassling, when stupid Emma grabs at Sean. In the heat of the moment he yells,”Emma get out of here!” (my sentiment exactly) and pushes her to the ground.  She is mad upset and runs away with tears in her eyes.  Sean calls after her, doing the worst James Dean impression ever. Man, at this point I accidentally rewinded too far and had to watch the whole stupid fight over again. UGH.

It’s the next day,  Jimmy is walking with his friends going over the fight, “Then the coward walks away after picking a fight and throwing his girlfriend to the ground.”  Ashley is still pissed and gives him the cold shoulder.  Spinner is in high spirits from passing all his tests, and that it’s the weekend, but UH OH he starts sneezing.  Looks like his plan to contract the flu actually worked.  SPINNER SHENANIGANS. Sean also passed his test with a B-.  He tries to tell Emma his good news but she just walks by and ignores him.  He pleads for her to stop, and we are treated with a very brief  Manny appearance!  He apologizes, saying “I should have listened to you, and I’m sorry.” Emma stone faces him and says “Yeah, so am I.” DAMMMMMMMN, that’s cold Em. END EPISODE.

DRAMA.  God, what an uneventful episode.  This was really a chore guys, that’s why it took me like two months to write this.  But it all leads up to the EXCITING SEASON FINALE, and then IT’S ~CRAIG MANNING~ TIME.

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DNG S1 Ep 13: Cabaret

Kolleen: Hey kids! Sorry it took so long to get to this. Life, you know? LIFE. It just doesn’t stop happening. Anyway, let’s get right into it, since this episode brings us two episodes away from you- know- who.

Terri is at Ash’s, looking up occult websites, and rudely interrupts Ash’s piano practice to tell her about a protection chant. Terri, PLEASE don’t get mixed up with the devil. Being a teenager is hard enough. Plus, I wouldn’t trust any spell I read about on Google. Anyway, the occult stuff is creeping Ash out and she seems pretty judgey  that Terri picked that topic for her powerpoint presentation for class. She’s just “really into mystic oracles”! Leave her alone.

Ash thinks she has a song down pat– they want to win Cabaret, whatever that is.  She begins to sing really sweetly, like Sarah McLachlan or something. “Tell me how I can be/ All that you ask of me”. It sounds like a hymn, to be honest. A really boring hymn. Terri wants to pick up the pace, but Ash insists the tempo is ~just right~. Shut up, Ash. 43 seconds in and I’m already irritated by her passive- aggressive, bossy attitude.

At school, Paige confronts Terri, saying she wants to hook up for Cabaret. Terri tells her about “Two Girls and a Keyboard”, which is either her act with Ashley, a porno, or a bad NBC sitcom. Terri thinks the song is “blah” and Paige says to insist on a poppier song… and a trio. But when Ash shows  up to homeroom, Terri chickens out, to Paige’s subtle chagrin.

OMG WTF SMDH

OMG WTF SMDH

Meanwhile, Manny and Emma are trying to convince Sean to be a hunter in their environmental- themed interpretive dance. Don’t they understand anything about Sean? He’s a wind animal, a free spirit! Not a hunter wearing a leotard. Also, he doesn’t hunt. Emma is so upset. Of course, Toby volunteers eagerly to be the hunter. What a nerd.

As for Terri’s presentation, all we see is a picture of a Ouija board and all we hear is, “There are many mystical oracles, but Ouija and Tarot are  my favorite. Any questions?” Some presentation. This is the second time I’ve been disappointed in something that had evil- potential but crapped out on me. They could have had a really great subplot here. Possession, exorcism. But wait! Terri has a Ouija board and asks for a volunteer. Spinner jumps at the chance and asks if he is really a super-stud, but Mr. Simpson tells him he’s not and demands he ask a more serious question. Sick burn, Mr. S! They’re really entertaining this Ouija thing. I went to Catholic school; I don’t think I could have gotten away with this. Spinner asks the oracle what his first pet was named. The board spells out R-O-C-K-Y. The supernatural is confirmed.

U-S-U-C-K

U-S-U-C-K

Paige asks Ash if she believes in all this mumbo- jumbo and Ash says yes, because her aunt predicted her grandmother’s stroke by reading tea leaves. Seizing an opportunity to exploit Ashley’s beliefs in the supernatural, Paige conspires with Terri to get “the spirits” to make their duo a threesome. They set up a tarot reading, and ask the spirits to tell them what to do… Terri rigs the game and paige pulls the Three of Rods, which represents “creativity”. Ashley is not happy and even goes so far as to call Terri an “amateur”. None of these people are worth being friends with. Paige is pissed and Ash insists it’s never going to happen, but just as she’s about to get all smug, cute little Manny, who was earlier warned via tarot to watch herself, falls down the stairs. Total Kolleen move, by the way, her ankle just twists for no reason. I’m the world’s biggest klutz.

This was the best screencap I could get :(

This was the best screencap I could get 😦

Now Manny’s ankle is broken and she can’t be a panther. This unfortunate accident has Ash convinced, against her better judgement,  that Paige should be allowed to join. She suggests they change their name to “Paige Michalchuk and the Sex Kittens”.  Ash suggests “Three Girls and a Keyboard”. They decide to focus on the song first, name later. Good idea. Both those names are horrendous.

Now that Manny has to be a hunter because she can’t dance, Emma tells Toby he has to do the dancing. Toby doesn’t want to, but his love for Emma trumps his burgeoning masculinity.

Paige and Terri converse in the bathroom. Paige is dressed like a stripper and is convinced they’re going to get a record deal. How far does this ‘Cabaret’ reach, exactly? She’s about to tell Terri her ideas for the song when Ash walks in. She’s not having the costume and Terri and Paige have to scheme to get her to see things their way. Terri doesn’t want to mess with the spirits anymore, so they go to Mr. Simpson and beg a synthesizer off of him. Of course he has to take a trip down dementia lane and reference his old (original Degrassi!) band, the Zoo Remedy. “We even had a video!” he says. GAWD. Old people. Anyway he does some fiddling and comes up with an 80’s rendition of the song that Terri and Ash seem to love. Then he makes this face:

"I'm hip, girls. Right??"

“I’m hip, girls. Right??”

Ash overhears them and gets really upset, regardless of the fact that Mr. Simpson didn’t erase the other version and it’s not a big deal. Paige suggests they ask the oracle. This is really dumb, you guys. Why can’t they just talk it out like normal people? Terri pulls the High Priestess card, meaning go with the new… but she hesitates, so does it REALLY mean that?? We’ll have to see (spoiler: no).

At practice, Toby and Emma keep bumping heads, literally. Is there anything more embarrassing to watch than interpretive dance, by the way? Especially when done by dorky adolescents? I am embarrassed for them. Emma cancels practice and Toby is all bummed out.

The day of the Cabaret, Ash tells the girls she did her own research and has learned that High Priestess means stay with the old! Terri says she lied because Ashley never listens to her. I don’t think Ashley is going to perform with the girls, which is good because I haven’t seen them actually practice once the entire episode.

Liberty begins the Cabaret by saying she trusts everyone will behave themselves. What a killjoy she is. Emma’s group is up first and of course, instead of immediately recycling and going vegan, everyone just laughs at them. I would, too, because I am a bully. Even Manny laughs and she’s IN the damned thing. Sean gets up and tells everyone to STFU. He’s a hero! Poor Toby.

Ash refuses to perform and warns them that the oracle is not going to be pleased. “Terri and Paige” (great name, guys) perform and everyone LOVES them. No broken bones, nothing. In the bathroom, Ash has to admit defeat, and they ask her to join the band and Paige suggests they shorted “Paige Michalchuk and the Sex Kittens” to PMS, which Ash is grossed out by. Terri’s vote breaks the tie– should she consult the oracle? No! Her days of consulting the oracle are OVER. So she does what every normal person would do– throws her tarot cards away. UH HELLO? This makes me SO MAD. How wasteful! Good tarot cards are expensive. And Terri votes for PMS. Great.

This song legitimately lasted 4 seconds

This song legitimately lasted 4 seconds

As Toby is trying to talk to Emma post- performance , she ignores him to thank Sean and kiss him on the cheek. Toby, just stop! Find someone who isn’t rude as hell AND smitten with someone else. It’s like none of these kids have ever read Miss Manners or something.

Guys. Guys. I can’t anymore with these people. WHERE IS CRAIG? Ugh! Anyway that’s Cabaret– a lot of drama and two performances. God, what an episode. I have a headache.

Letty: I can’t believe that Degrassi hasn’t tackled the common problem of demonic possession.  I mean, I myself  have been possessed at least 5 times, it could be more, who knows, in the past year alone.  It is something that all teens face, much like unrequited love.  GET OVER IT TOBES.  I’ll be tackling next Degrassi episode, which is extremely Sean heavy.  To prepare I’ll be buying an industrial size vat of Clearasil pads.

Oh, Canada

Letty: It is no secret that we love Canadians here at Thirtysometeen.  Canada has provided us with a such a wealth of amiable enjoyment and entertainment that I feel it is necessary to sing the entire country’s praises from the figurative roof tops.  This is a country that provided us with Degrassi and BRYAN ADAMS for goddamned sakes!

Boobies, thumbs up, and Bryan Adams. GET IT.

In addition to the glorious Degrassi, Canada also gave us a multitude of other teen shows. Here are a few of the openings from some of my favorites.  Do you remember these gems?

I found both of Ready or Not’s main characters, Busy and Amanda, to be extremely irritating, yet I watched almost this entire series.  How can you not like a show where the first episode is about buying your first bra.  ~~MAMMARY MEMORIES~~

TUCKER AND BECCA! WILL THEY OR WON’T THEY?  They are the Sam and Diane of Canadian tween television.  Flash Forward was the first original series that Disney created and set the high standard for many terrible television shows to come.

Breaker High was lighthearted show about your regular run of the mill high school located on a cruise ship, you know, just a normal, realistic school.  Except, RYAN GOSLING WAS THERE.  I had a crush on the Gos since he was on MMC, though to be fair I had a crush on most of the guys on  MMC including JC Chasez and Tony Lucca.  Imagine my excitement to see Lucca pop up on season two of The Voice. Since I’m already on an MMC tangent, does anyone remember the serial Emerald Cove that ran as a segment during the show?  It featured a lot of drama and Keri Russell’s hair.

Whoooooa wacky!  Look at all that caaarrrrrazzzzy animation. Student Bodies was great, I wish my life was just like this show.  Palling around with friends, working on the school newspaper, wearing awkward sweaters, SO MUCH FUN!

Of course, here we have the ultimate–Are You Afraid Of the Dark.  The episode about the shadow people still creeps me the hell out.  This show featured so many great Canadian teen actors, I don’t even know where to begin.  SNICK was the shit y’all.

There were so many other awesome Canadian creations, Edgewood, Radio Active, Space Cases, and I’ll be covering Fifteen in another post about Nickelodeon shows.  What are you favorites?

Kolleen: My 8 year old, Aidan, loves Are You Afraid of the Dark AND Degrassi. Maybe I should have him do a guest post?