Tag Archives: television

PLL S4 Ep 14: Who’s in the Box

Let’s see, where did we leave off?  I watched the Halloween episode in a bar, so my memory is fuzzy.  AH! I remember, last episode was kinda just like whatever, except for Hanna’s heaving titties, those were exceptional. Basically it was just an excuse to plug the new not as good show, Ravenswood. Later, Caleb!  There was a huge bombshell at the end of the episode that Alison’s is alive! Also, Ezra might be A!  That makes him even hotter if you ask me.

God, lots of stuff happened.  Anyway so Alison isn’t dead! Who is buried in her place? That is what the girls are trying to figure out.  Hanna has some theories and actually gets a gold star this episode.  She actually steps up and gets shit done!  She does get some points knocked off for pronouncing the word gazebo, gayz-bow, and for wearing really terrible pants during her crinkled cry face break up scene with Caleb, but overall, she was aces.  She actually did a google search for girls who may have disappeared near Rosewood around the time Alison “died”. She found a girl named Sara Harvey that vanished who was JUST LIKE ALI!  Complete with a set of friends just like our Pretty Little Liars.  Hanna sets up a meeting with a couple of the girls and the casting people get kudos for finding actresses that are just THAT much less good looking than the main actresses to really highlight their ridiculous beauty.

PicMonkey Collage

Pretty, but not AS pretty.

All right.  I am already behind, as the new episode aired yesterday and I haven’t even watched it yet!  I instead watched Now and Then with my lady friends, ate adult chocolate pudding soup, and talked about butt sex.  Don’t worry! I will watch it today, and the recap will be out by the end of the week.  RELAX EVERYONE!  Anyway, since I am so behind, I will just highlight some important points instead of a full recap.

  • I love how bitchy Spencer is.  She was outright incredulous that Hanna had theories about what happened with Ali, and I like it!  She looked really lovely this episode.  Bitch face really works for her.
  • What is the world is going on with Toby’s (Blackberry Mouth) hair?  I mean I get what he’s going for, but dude you are not pulling it off.  You look like Pat Sajak, in a bad way.
Pretty Little Liars, Toby

Nope.

  • For some reason, Emily told Paige that her and Ali had kissed and Paige got all butthurt about it.  Good.  I don’t like Paige.  I hope she is A and ends up falling off a cliff or something dramatic like that.
  • Ezra and Aria kissed! He wants another chance after she graduates from high school.  LIKE I HAVEN’T HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE.  Is he A?  What is in that weird trap door thing in his friend’s house?  What is going on with Aria’s wardrobe?  Who wears this many ruffles to school? Alls I know is I hope Jake is out of the picture, because he was the most boring boyfriend in the history of television.

ariaruffles

  • This episode had so many sighs, and most of them came from Spencer’s dad, Mr. Hastings.  Do grown men sigh that much in real life?
  • During the episode ABC Family had different hashtags they wanted the public to use during the episode.  We created our own, #PLLSIGHS due to all the above mentioned sighing, and during a scene with Mona and Ezra, in which Mona really unsubtly hinted that she knows he is leading a double life, the hashtag was #MonaKnows.  Best tweet of the night:

It’s okay Mona.  We all want that D.

  • Sigh, Hanna’s pants, Hanna’s pants, Hanna’s pants.  I talked about them earlier, but here is a picture.  Is this the last thing you want your boyfriend to see before he has to go deal with supernatural shit in another town? No.  The answer is no.

hannapants

It’s no wonder that Caleb was crying all over his steering wheel.

And that’s all for episode 14!  I am sorry this week was a cop out.  See y’all soon with a full recap of episode 15.  Thanks to Wetpaint for the gif!

–Letty

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TWIST MY ARM WHY DON’T YOU. Welcome Pretty Little Liars.

I have been watching Pretty Little Liars for the entirety of its existence and have even re-watched seasons because I love it so.  Those girls are just so damn pretty, and SO SO dumb, that I cannot resist it.  But I have been reluctant to cover it here because it is a really complicated show, and I have little to no stick-to-itiveness, as evidenced by my lapse in The Carrie Diaries coverage. (It just got too earnest for me! I will bring it back I promise!)  Recently, due to the creation of the Pretty Little Drinkers (my friends and I watching PLL in a bar), I have had a change of heart.  I will now start doing drunken recaps of PLL for your reading pleasure.  They will not be overly detailed and may focus a lot on the girls’ sartorial choices, but IT’S BETTER THAN NOTHING, RIGHT?  Episode 1 of Season 4 coming soon!

–Letty

Teenagers forever!

Teenagers forever!

DNG S1 Ep 14: Under Pressure

Letty:  Welcome back to the exciting drama filled world of Degrassi!  When we left off some awkward looking Canadian preteens were doing some things and saying some stuff and being slightly annoying.  Sorry guys, I can’t EVEN  focus on the past right now when we are so close to ~CRAIG~.  Anyways, this episode starts  with that Canadian hunk of  a man Tracker quizzing Sean for his upcoming Media Immersion test.  Sean keeps getting the answers wrong and he is getting mad pissed.  He is so worked up he can’t even help his brother fix motorcycles properly. Between questions, Tracker mentions to Sean that their mom called, and  wants to talk to Sean about moving back to disgusting Wasaga Beach. Sean it NOT having it, he flips out and starts knocking shit over.  Now, I looked Wasaga Beach up on Wikipedia, and it looks like a really nice place.  I don’t know what Sean is so mad about.  But, this young man has quite the temper!  He tells Tracker, “You are not my social worker, okay!”, but Tracker, ever the good big bro, has some decent advice for Sean, “Keep your nose clean, get good grades, and everything will be okay.”  Tracker, man, what a dream boat.

dream tracker

More like, DREAM Tracker, amirite? What?

So, it is the day of the Media Immersion test. JT and Toby are stressing out about it when Liberty and Emma stroll up.  The credits aren’t even finished and Liberty is already being annoying.  She is wearing a floor length denim skirt, HELLO.  Even Snake is annoyed by her. She pulls out a pocket calculator to calculate how high her grade has to be to get an A+ in Media Immersion and Snake fakes hearing Mr. Radditch calling him to avoid speaking to her.  UGH FUCKING LIBERTY.

snake pained

I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

Emma and Sean are at his locker when Jimmy walks by and says some smart ass remark, which really isn’t that big of deal, but Sean gets all butthurt.  If y’all don’t remember, Jimmy and Sean have some bad blood between them that you can read about here. Down the hall Spinner, simple, simple Spinner is trying to impress Paige and waste time.  He yells at Paige to “Check this out!”, then just starts dribbling a basketball in a circle around her. He looks like a St. Bernard puppy or like he would make an excellent Lennie in the Degrassi production of John Steinbeck’s “Of Mice and Men”.  Spinner’s impressive moves make him and Paige late for class, and who does he walk right into?   Mrs. Kwan! HUWHAT?

It turns out her husband has finished his chemo, so she has come back to teach.  Just in time to give a test!  Oscar that weird extra kid who we don’t know anything about raises his hand and says he doesn’t feel well. It turns out he has the flu, and that gives Spinner an idea! Simple Spinner, do you really think playing sick is going to get you out of a test?  We cut to Emma and Sean walking up to his house.  They are going to study but Sean doesn’t want to study at his house because he is embarrassed.  He doesn’t even want Emma to COME  in the house and makes her wait outside.  My theory, Tracker leaves a lot of porn laying around.   Speaking of dreamboats,  Tracker pulls up and starts talking shit to Emma, because he is still mad about her editorial in the school newspaper.  This episode sure has a lot of callbacks to other episodes.  He is yelling at her and is all like, “You think you’re a good influence on him? CAUSE YOU ARE.”  WHOA!  HE TWISTED IT ALL AROUND! HE ACTED LIKE HE WAS YELLING AT HER, BUT THEN COMPLIMENTED HER INSTEAD.  It turns out that Sean hasn’t gotten in trouble since he’s been hanging out with Emma.  Probably because Emma is exceptionally boring and her  idea of trouble is writing a controversial newspaper article.  Emma wants to know more about this “trouble” because she is a nosy bitch, but Tracker tells her not to worry about it.

Sean and Emma are studying at her house.  She is trying to teach him some stupid pneumonic device to help him with the test.  Sean tells her that, “she is such a Liberty” which is a HUGE insult.  In response Emma tosses a dish rag right into Sean’s face. He playfully tosses it back, and she throws it back in his face, it’s all quite riveting.  In a playful tone Sean says, “You wanna mess with me? I’ll mess you up, I’m big trouble.” and Emma being the giant buzzkill that she is replies,  “Yeah, I heard.  Tracker said you got into trouble once”.  FOR GOD’S SAKE EMMA, just fucking be cool for once in your life.  It turns out that when Sean was living in Wasaga Beach he got into a  fight with some kid and permanently deafened him one ear.  Sean isn’t proud of what he did, he just can’t control his temper, but he claims to be working on it.   During this entire scene Sean’s earring is distractingly  prominent.  Emma seems pretty cool with all this actually, only because  the incident happened a year ago. OH YES,  like that is so long ago.

It is the day of test.  Sean is hella nervous.  The entire test is online, something that Snake seems especially smug about.  The students only have 45 minutes to complete the exam, after that they are SOL.  Elsewhere on campus,  Spinner and Paige are in class.  Spinner is yammering on about how he plans to get sick on purpose and Paige says she doesn’t care about his stupid plan.   For once I agree with Paige, I hate this subplot.   Terri comes in sneezing, so Spinner gets all up in her business trying to catch her germs. Spinner volunteers to throw away Terri’s coffee cup then runs his finger around the brim and licks it.  ~tres declasse~

Spinner gross

I don’t know what I’m most turned off by, this disgusting act or the tribal flames on his shirt.

Meanwhile, Sean is struggling with his media immersion test.  He is in the middle of  naming two file extensions, when the screen flashes that time is up. Sean didn’t finish!  To make matters worse, Liberty pops in like a fucking goddamn annoying popup ad, and screeches  “45 minutes remember, timed!”

Screenshot_4

MUST PUNCH

Sean is understandably  pissed,  he thinks he fails at everything he’s ever tried. Exacerbating the situation is Emma who keeps whining at him until Sean finally snaps at her and says, “Emma, don’t talk to me okay, just leave me alone.” then sulks away.  RUROH, Sean’s anger is starting to get the better of him, as evident in him punching his poor defenseless locker. Jimmy, with very poor timing,  walks by and starts  joking  around with Sean.  Sean gets all butthurt AGAIN, and is all aggressive towards Jimmy.  After an extremely heated exchange ::rolls eyes:: in which Jimmy calls Sean a FREAK (ice burn!) they start shoving each other around ineffectively.    Coach Armstrong breaks them up,  but it’s ON.  Sean yells after Jimmy, “I’LL SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL.”   I hope it’s a fight to the death.

drake violence

Violence against Drake is always acceptable.

It’s time for Mrs. Kwan’s test, and Spinner running back and forth down hallway, try to get his temperature up.   It works!  Mrs. Kwan feels his forehead and sends him to the nurse. Over in Media Immersion class everyone is gossiping about Sean and Jimmy’s fight after school. Why are they in Media Immersion class AGAIN?  Do they only have one class?  Sean strolls in late,  and Snake gives him lunch time detention.  Is that even allowed?  Does Sean not get to eat?  DOESN’T SNAKE CARE ABOUT SEAN’S BLOOD SUGAR?!  Over in the nurse’s office the nurse takes Spinner’s temperature. The nurse is a man,  which I think is very progressive.  It turns out that Spinner has a normal temperature.  Spinner claims that the thermometer is faulty, and the nurse says he has a tried and true method, and pulls out a giant thermometer and covers it in Vasoline.  Spinner exclaims, “I don’t want that gunk in mouth”, and in the creepiest line in Degrassi history the nurse says, “It’s not going in your mouth”. Spinner runs out and the nurse starts laughing, then presumably starts jacking off.  Back in class Mrs. Kwan tells Spinner to stop pulling all this dumb shit, and to channel the energy he expended making up schemes into school work. Mrs. Kwan is one sage bitch.

Well, Spinner passed the test.  YAY, who cares?  IT’S TIME FOR THE FIGHT! Sean goes to fetch Jimmy to give him a world class ass whooping.  Jimmy protests, saying “We don’t have to do this, it’s stupid”, and Sean retorts “No wonder Armstrong cut you from the team.”  DANG THEMS FIGHTING WORDS.Everyone in the entire school is mad pumped up for the fight as they follow Jimmy and Sean into some alley.  Emma is there being annoying and whining at Sean to stop.  Jimmy and Sean go right at it.  They start pushing each other, as most lame middle school fights begin.  Sean actually connects a couple of punches. Everyone is chanting “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!” like they are at a hockey game or something.  The boys are wrassling, when stupid Emma grabs at Sean. In the heat of the moment he yells,”Emma get out of here!” (my sentiment exactly) and pushes her to the ground.  She is mad upset and runs away with tears in her eyes.  Sean calls after her, doing the worst James Dean impression ever. Man, at this point I accidentally rewinded too far and had to watch the whole stupid fight over again. UGH.

It’s the next day,  Jimmy is walking with his friends going over the fight, “Then the coward walks away after picking a fight and throwing his girlfriend to the ground.”  Ashley is still pissed and gives him the cold shoulder.  Spinner is in high spirits from passing all his tests, and that it’s the weekend, but UH OH he starts sneezing.  Looks like his plan to contract the flu actually worked.  SPINNER SHENANIGANS. Sean also passed his test with a B-.  He tries to tell Emma his good news but she just walks by and ignores him.  He pleads for her to stop, and we are treated with a very brief  Manny appearance!  He apologizes, saying “I should have listened to you, and I’m sorry.” Emma stone faces him and says “Yeah, so am I.” DAMMMMMMMN, that’s cold Em. END EPISODE.

DRAMA.  God, what an uneventful episode.  This was really a chore guys, that’s why it took me like two months to write this.  But it all leads up to the EXCITING SEASON FINALE, and then IT’S ~CRAIG MANNING~ TIME.

Skins S1 Ep 3: Jal

Kolleen: my GOD you guys. I have been so busy with grad school lately, I haven’t had the time to review anything. I haven’t really had time to watch anything, either. I am woefully behind on Degrassi! Life is hard 😦

Anyway let’s get to this! As always, the episode’s music can be found here. And check out the Unseen Skins link at the bottom– I have gone back to our old reviews, too, to add in the Unseen Skins links that correspond to each episode. It wasn’t something I thought to do before, and I apologize!

jal

We open with Jal practicing her clarinet. Or flute. What is it? I forget…It’s a clarinet. She’s playing with the school orchestra and her teacher is very colorful with her language, which cracks me up. Doug comes in and says there have been some complaints with the orchestra, that there’s too much swearing. Oh piss off, Doug. You’re a downer sometimes.

Ew, then we cut right into a scene where Tony and Michelle are sloppily making out in front of Jal and Effy. It’s gross. They sound like two pigs eating at a trough. Jal is upset because Michelle is ignoring their plans for shopping; Michelle wants to run upstairs for a quickie, but Jal needs a new dress for her upcoming music competiton, Young Musician of the Year! Effy eloquently demonstrates what will be happening upstairs:

effy beej

Have at it, kiddos.

Jal goes to leave, but when she opens the door Sid is there. “Is Tony in?” he asks. “Pretty much,” Jal replies, as Michelle squeals from upstairs. Jal drags Sid along with her to dress- shop, which I’m sure he is very excited about. I get the feeling that Jal is not a girly girl, because she has a very difficult time finding something to wear. This is something I can identify with, as I feel like my style is pretty all over the place. Sid gets all awkward about helping her zip up, and Jal laments about having to wear a dress at all. Then Sid zippers his finger by mistake, and they make a bunch of sounds that seem like sex– “Oh, let me get a hold of it,” Jal says. SCANDALOUS. Later in the mall, he tells her a stupid sexual fantasy he has about Michelle. WHY?? I just don’t get it.

We have a scene where Jal plays her clarinet. It’s nice, but this isn’t my favorite episode. Ten minutes in and I think of how I could be working on my research paper (25 pages!). Anyway, it’s ok, because Jal is interrupted by her dumb brothers and their dumb friend rapping. See, Jal’s dad is a super famous rap star, and he has created idiots who do not care about their sister’s aspirations! She tells them to STFU. Luckily, this scene takes up 2 minutes of my time. Jal goes to talk to her dad and he says the brothers need practice too– his lackeys say they need lots of practice because “those pussies are BAD”. True. Jal’s dad is very busy entertaining some dopey white broad. Jal’s dad calls the clarinet “rooty tooty” music and asks if she likes dancing for whitey. Whatever, DAD. Also Jal insists her dress is green. It’s brown. Is Jal color blind? She passively aggressively calls Michelle and gets all mad. She sneaks down to the studio to listen to the white chick sing about strawberries and cream, and it is EMBARRASSINGLY bad.

At breakfast the next morning, Jal throws some serious shade at Alicia, the white girl who is dumb as hell. Even the brothers, whose names I keep forgetting– one is Ace?– are mad, because she’s sitting in their absent mother’s seat. Where is Jal’s mom? Why has she left Jal alone, with no one to dress- shop with?

At school, Jal is sent to the dean’s office, where she is told to play up her “handicaps”– basically they want to use her as a minority to get a grant. Pretty rotten. They have a checklist of things for her to say, and Jal is not having it. She dresses like a slob for her interviews, and she answers “no” to everything (“Your parents must be proud of you?”), thereby extending a PA middle finger to the school. Michelle chastises her for not looking good or making an effort. She at least is nice enough to tell Jal her dress is ugly and let her borrow a new one.

That night, Jal’s dad throws a party. The boys try to get it, but the bouncers tell them to fuck off because it’s 21+. One of them even has a snake for some reason! Jal lets the guys in though, because she’s a nice person. And look how pretty she looks!

jaljugs

Even Maxxie can’t stop looking at Jal’s physique, and he’s gay! Chris says he will simply DIE if he doesn’t get to touch her jugs. Boys are so subtle. And trust me, Michelle is put off by all the extra attention that Jal is receiving; after all, she did say “you play clarinet, I look shaggable”. Rude. It doesn’t help that Tony is talking to Abigail in the other room– why is she there? Michelle turns to Sid for comfort, and tells him that she knows he wants her, but she loves him like a brother. Sid is pretty crushed. ~Cassie~ shows up with a pint for him, because she is a sweetheart that no one appreciates. He chugs the pint, burps a bunch, and leaves. Great (BTW: has anyone seen/noticed Cassie AND Chris on Game of Thrones? It  makes me very excited!) .

Oh. Wow.

Oh. Wow.

Jal’s brothers put on a little rap performance. It is horrendous. Jal’s dad puts a stop to it pretty quickly, thankfully. A dance party commences, and while Michelle is dancing poorly, Jal spies Tony being… well, Tony.

tony jal

OH MAH GUH

After the party, Jal sits on a couch with Sid, holds his hand, and puts her head on his shoulder. She tells him she is comforting him, and tells him that everyone knows he has a thing for Michelle but to let her go. Then some squid asks Jal to join him for a drink up the road. She declines, but he says Sid can come along so they agree. They leave, but as they round the corner into an alley… they are jumped by the Mad Twatter (and crew)! It was all a set up! He informs Sid that the creepy guy, William, has been following him because he owes Mad so much money! They take Sid’s money and Jal’s clarinet. Then, in one of the show’s odder turns, he begins to play the clarinet.

And he's pretty goddamned good!

And he’s pretty goddamned good!

Then he smashes it, because he is a wasteful idiot. They walk away, and Jal starts yelling. Sid tries to comfort her, but in doing so, her brothers (+ friend) think that he is raping her or something, and they jump him. She clears it up, but not before basically breaking Sid’s nose. Poor Sid.

Jal has to talk to her teacher (Claire) about cancelling her performance. The scene cuts to Claire, who is… wait for it… IN BED WITH DOUG! Scandalous! We learn that Jal’s brothers were all beaten to the point of being hospitalized by Mad and his men. They are proud for sticking up for their sister, and Michelle kisses them in gratitude.

In the studio, Jal’s dad, who I think is named Ronnie?, speaks to her brother on the phone, telling him he loves them all– even the white kid. Then, he raps:

I’m inspired. I’m offline.
A renegade disturbing the peace while I’m spitting a serenade.
All this tension, miscomprehension.
I’m informed and on the level
that I might mention that when I scream it’s just passion.
I ain’t angry at culture, I ain’t angry at fashion.
And I might feel spiteful if I feel shit’s epidemic.
I admit that some is soul but some is academic.
I been doing this forever, so why you choosing now?
Turning your face away is a punch in the gut. Pow!
So swing a rhyme of time like the dove sing of love.
And keep your peace, cuz I got kin;
I got skin to think of.

Is it just me or is Jal's dad hot?

Is it just me or is Jal’s dad hot?

He then notices Jal listening and gets upset. She asks him why he hasn’t asked her if she is okay. She says it’s not her fault she looks like her mother, which is why she feels he pushes her away. He tells her to go tidy her room, which she doesn’t understand because Jal’s room is never messy– she’s not like that. She goes up to her room to find a beautiful new clarinet. Teary eyed and emotional, she puts it together.

She makes it to her recital, and as she prepares to play, we see Mad being forced into Ronnie’s car, presumably to be killed.

Well, that’s it folks. I know this wasn’t a funny recap, but it really wasn’t too funny of an episode. And I know we usually have the thoughts and/ or fashions from the episodes, but to be honest, there were NO fashions that were worth linking this episode, and I didn’t have many thoughts about it; it was not the best episode. Jal’s dad buying her a clarinet was nice, but that’s about it. Maybe the next episode will have some good songs and fashions for me to talk about.

However, the Unseen Skins for this episode is pretty hilarious. What do you think?

I promise it won’t take so long for our next review! Toodles!

Letty: Two things– ~~EFFY~~ and Jal’s dad is definitely hot, I would smash that with the quickness.

Oh, Canada

Letty: It is no secret that we love Canadians here at Thirtysometeen.  Canada has provided us with a such a wealth of amiable enjoyment and entertainment that I feel it is necessary to sing the entire country’s praises from the figurative roof tops.  This is a country that provided us with Degrassi and BRYAN ADAMS for goddamned sakes!

Boobies, thumbs up, and Bryan Adams. GET IT.

In addition to the glorious Degrassi, Canada also gave us a multitude of other teen shows. Here are a few of the openings from some of my favorites.  Do you remember these gems?

I found both of Ready or Not’s main characters, Busy and Amanda, to be extremely irritating, yet I watched almost this entire series.  How can you not like a show where the first episode is about buying your first bra.  ~~MAMMARY MEMORIES~~

TUCKER AND BECCA! WILL THEY OR WON’T THEY?  They are the Sam and Diane of Canadian tween television.  Flash Forward was the first original series that Disney created and set the high standard for many terrible television shows to come.

Breaker High was lighthearted show about your regular run of the mill high school located on a cruise ship, you know, just a normal, realistic school.  Except, RYAN GOSLING WAS THERE.  I had a crush on the Gos since he was on MMC, though to be fair I had a crush on most of the guys on  MMC including JC Chasez and Tony Lucca.  Imagine my excitement to see Lucca pop up on season two of The Voice. Since I’m already on an MMC tangent, does anyone remember the serial Emerald Cove that ran as a segment during the show?  It featured a lot of drama and Keri Russell’s hair.

Whoooooa wacky!  Look at all that caaarrrrrazzzzy animation. Student Bodies was great, I wish my life was just like this show.  Palling around with friends, working on the school newspaper, wearing awkward sweaters, SO MUCH FUN!

Of course, here we have the ultimate–Are You Afraid Of the Dark.  The episode about the shadow people still creeps me the hell out.  This show featured so many great Canadian teen actors, I don’t even know where to begin.  SNICK was the shit y’all.

There were so many other awesome Canadian creations, Edgewood, Radio Active, Space Cases, and I’ll be covering Fifteen in another post about Nickelodeon shows.  What are you favorites?

Kolleen: My 8 year old, Aidan, loves Are You Afraid of the Dark AND Degrassi. Maybe I should have him do a guest post?

DNG S1 Ep10: Rumors and Reputations

Kolleen: Hey everyone! Sorry I’ve been sort of absent. I have a hell of a sinus infection, then I went away for the weekend. But now I’m back, so here’s episode 10 of DGN season 1, which means we are 5 episodes closer to Craig!!

We begin with Emma not minding her own goddamned business for once in her life. I really am aching for season 2, because we will at least get new characters! Ashley, Emma– BORING. Though if I recall correctly, this is the episode Hazel shows up. Anyway here’s Emma dropping something off to Coach A when— oh my goodness:

WHAT

Scandalous! I’m sure this is not at all easily explainable. Obviously Libs and Coach A are doing it in classrooms all over Degrassi.

Now please pay attention so you can realize the full magnitude of how rumors are spread like wildfire throughout high school hallways across the world:

Emma asks Liberty what she was doing with Mr. Armstrong, and Liberty gets really defensive. Emma even tries to read Lib’s email over her shoulder!

-Emma and JT watch Coach A and talk about how nice of a guy he is. He’s helping Sean with his basketball handling technique, but then he walks over to chat it up with Liberty. He slips Liberty a note… weird. JT is oblivious but Emma is onto something.

-Emma asks Manny if Armstrong has ever touched her. Manny is horrified. Emma says Armstrong was touching Liberty. I want to mention that I owned the sweater Emma was wearing in this scene. It was from Express. I loved it. Anyway Manny says Emma probably has the wrong idea. I love sweet, pure Manny. But no, Emma insists.

Give me back my sweater!

-Terri overhears this conversation and tells Paige that she heard Mr. A was coming on to Liberty. By the way, what was up with crimped hair in Canada in the early 2000’s? Was that a thing? Paige says you can’t report a rumor, then she’s a wicked bitch to Mr. A (Coach A, both, whatever). She texts someone…

HAZEL! Yay! Hazel’s here, everyone! Hazel is played by Andrea Lewis and her first speaking role on this show is telling someone on the phone that Liberty and Mr. Coach A were KISSING outside in front of everyone.

Rumor Has It!

Sean overhears this. He elaborates, asking Spinner if he thinks they spent the night together. HE IS DISGUSTED. I like that Sean has morals.

Spinner tells Jimmy that Liberty and Armstrong are “doing it”.

Jimmy emails Ashley about it.

In the student council meeting, everyone is super awkward around Liberty. Liberty thinks that it’s about stolen microphones, but Ashley’s like, oh honey no. Ashley tells her what everyone is saying and Liberty is horrified and runs away.

The next day, Emma, Manny and JT are talking about it like it isn’t yesterday’s news. Should they report it? It’s so disgusting… they’re all so horrified. In walks Liberty and of course she runs away, ashamed, for the 100th time this episode. Emma follows her and says she can confide in her, and Liberty says it’s just a rumor. Emma says they should track down the rumor’s source. Does she have brain damage? Does she not remember YESTERDAY at all? Emma is the worst. Liberty is consorting with the enemy and she doesn’t even know. Now Emma is going to play that “retrace your steps” thing like they did on Sesame Street. And of course, what does Emma learn?

She was the one. She started this rumor. She is GUILTY.

IT WAS YOU.

In math class, Emma is about to confess to Liberty when Mr. Radish comes in and asks if he can speak to Mr. A AND Liberty. Emma is so guilt ridden she bursts into the office and confesses everything!!! Later, she finds Liberty in tears in the bathroom. Liberty yells at Emma because Mr. A almost lost his job and Emma still insists on knowing what was happening in the first place. We learn Liberty has dyscalculia, and he was just helping her with it. She tells Emma to go back to saving whales because she sucks at saving people. This was the moment I fell in love with Liberty a little. She might just make it after all.

In the show’s side story, Spinner (woah, lots of s’s) is DISGUSTED with the cafeteria’s food. SO GROSS. The cafeteria attendant, Sheila, threatens Spinner with VIOLENCE. But gross… there is a BUG in his food. He flings it in horror, so of course Sheila doesn’t believe him.

Paige, Ashley and Jimmy don’t believe him. Jimmy says he saw something, but wasn’t sure what it was. Spinner insists it was an earwig. GROSS. I hate earwigs. Mrs. Quan overhears Spinner and says that he can’t be throwing around accusations all willy- nilly and demands to see the bug, like he kept it or something. Give me a break. I hate this woman, by the way.

Spinner, to prove his bug- story, spends all night collecting earwigs and plans on planting them in the food. Brilliant. He throws them all on Ashley’s food when she’s not looking; she freaks out and dumps over his container of earwigs. And in walks Mrs. Quan. Why couldn’t Spinner just demand a QC investigation into the school food?

As punishment, Spinner has to work in the bug- ridden cafeteria, and no one ever looks into the problem. Jimmy and Ashley laugh at him like he’s an asshole. Cute. The grand irony is that his stunt cost the school $300 to exterminate, but it needed to be exterminated, anyway.

This is an odd episode, something I’ve come to expect from season 1. How is it Emma doesn’t remember spreading a rumor the day before? Why is it no one believes Spinner’s bug story? Oh, to be with Craig in season 2… only a few more episodes.

Letty: Oh Emma, Emma, Emma.  Why are you such a turd?

DNG S1 Ep9: Coming of Age

Kolleen:  Hey guys! It’s Jimmy’s birthday!!! This is appropriate because it’s going to be Letty’s son’s birthday and today is my friend Jon’s birthday, so it’s like birthday central over here. I have a head cold and slept until 3pm today, but I will try to be somewhat entertaining.

Jimmy is all about being a man now that he’s turning 14. He invites Ashley over to his house for a birthday feast! She scoffs at the idea of ordering another pizza at the Jimster’s, but he promises his mom is making lobster for everyone. Ashley is shocked. I feel like Jimmy’s parent’s may be a wee bit absentee.  Jimmy kisses Ashley goodbye and she smiles like he just molested her dog and then as he leaves she rolls her eyes like he just farted in her face. She is SICK of him, guys. He’s had dinner at her house every night for the past 8 nights! This totally means he’s being a huge pest and isn’t at all lonely or something.

Dinner? Again? What a pain in the ass!

Ashley feels so suffocated that she lies to Jimmy and says she and Terri are having a girl’s night so please don’t bother coming over.

Meanwhile in Media, Sean has found this cool new website that tells your future based on stars and your birthday and stuff. He’s stumbled onto MissCleo.com! Emma rolls her eyes because Sean is too poor to know what astrology is. Manny wants to know all about her future, and Emma is totally pissed off because they all have an astronomy test in 15 minutes and no one wants to study how many moons Jupiter has (13). Come test time Emma feels like she’s failed and lashes out at Manny. Why is she being such a crab-apple?

At home, Terri and Ashley are all about their girls’ night until she sees Jimmy shooting hoops with Toby. He says to pretend like he’s not there. YEAH RIGHT. She complains to her mom about how she’s so sick of him and her mom reminds her that Jimmy is always alone and has really crappy parents. Ashley is so selfish.

At Emma’s, a horrible soap opera plays: “We are born alone, we die alone, we shouldn’t live our lives alone”. First of all, we are NOT born alone. To be born, one must come out of one’s mother– so that’s instantly “not alone”. Plus there are usually doctors and stuff around. This guys is way off the mark. But Emma is legit SOBBING over it, and into a bag of chips.

;___;

She talks to her mom about how humans are just little specks in the universe, and her mom tells her she totally understands and takes her out for some “retail therapy”. Everything is going well– Emma gets a new sweater!– until this creep ruins everything:

“I’d like a lick of your cone”

He makes a sexual innuendo regarding their ice cream cones and Spike is not happy. She says she knows what he was referring to and guess what, you can’t talk to young women that way! He says he was kidding and she reminds him about rape culture. She tells Emma not to ever let a guy make her feel bad for being a female.

Ashley yells at Toby for having Jimmy over for dinner, and tells Terri she feels so suffocated that she should just break up with him. Toby immediately drops a plate. Now’s your chance, Tobes!

The next day at school Emma is wearing her new sweater with her white skirt. Wait a minute– bitchy attitude, roller- coaster emotions, white skirt… I get what’s happening here. In the halls Jimmy gets bombarded with calls of “Happy Birthday!” and doused with Silly String. Tobes makes some weird analogy to not suffocating the basketball being like not suffocating girls and Jimmy is like “IS THAT HOW ASHLEY FEELS?”. Way to go, Toby, you’re ruining the one good thing Degrassi has.

Sean approaches Emma outside to apologize for looking up interesting things when he should have been helping her learn which planets have rings. She says it’s her fault for acting like a psychopath and asks him to read her horoscope before class. She stands to leave and Manny quickly pulls her down and tells her that it looks like Emma has sat on a severed pig’s head. Emma gets all frazzled and shoos Sean away. Will she be stuck on that bench forever?

Jimmy tells Ashley not to bother coming to LobsterFest tonight, and she’s like, “BUT ITS YOUR BIRTHHHHDAY”. He rolls his eyes at her. How does it feel, Ash? Getting a taste of your own eye- rolling medicine? Meanwhile Emma and Manny are shuffling off to the bathroom with Manny holding a notebook over Emma’s period- stain. She says they should celebrate because Emma is a woman now and can get pregnant. Oh Manny, you are a delight.

Not getting that notebook back.

So now Emma and Manny are trying desperately to figure out how to hide this monstrosity of an event, since it’s basically summer and they have no jackets, and both of their gym shorts are at home being washed. Manny leaves to figure it out and Emma is horrified. They have a big book report to present! Look, here’s some real talk: the same thing happened to me when I was in 8th grade (it wasn’t my first period, but it was a nightmarish one) and I just had someone take me home. Screw the book report, Ems! You’re a woman now, go home and eat some ice cream!

Ashley tells Toby to let the fam know that she’ll be at Jimmy’s for dinner, and he asks her why she’s even bothering when she’s just going to dump Jimmy. He reminds her that it’s totally rude to bring people into your life just to ditch them. I feel like he’s talking more about him mom than anyone here, you know? Poor kid.

Emma is still in the ladies’ room, missing class like a cool kid, when in waltzes PAIGE. Oh god, what bs is Paige going to pull with poor Emma? Shockingly, nothing… she’s actually helpful, handing her a pad (with wings! Always a lifesaver) and telling her how awesome it is be a woman with boobs. Emma says she doesn’t want to turn out like whorish Paige and Paige is like YOU WISH. Manny comes bursting into the bathroom with gym shorts that are at least a size 13XXX. What a help, this girl is. They bust in late to Mrs. Quan’s class, Emma struggling to keep those shorts on.  JT and Toby start cracking jokes and ask her if she peed her pants and she tells the whole class that she just got her period for the first time! What bravery!

“Oh no, she didn’t!”

Sean seems WAY too proud of Emma, and quite frankly a little turned on. It’s sort of bizarre, really.

Jimmy and Ashley show up at his house and no one is there. It’s so sad. He’s so excited and they just totally ditched him. ON HIS BIRTHDAY. He checks his messages and his parents are working late again. Ashley invites him to her house for wings and he says Toby told him she was feeling suffocated and asks if she wants to break up. They have a fight… this is obviously projection. She leaves and he calls the pizza place, and they know him by name! “Yup, the usual, medium pepperoni.” Full circle.

The next day Emma tells Manny that she doesn’t feel any different, but her mom’s rant at that potential rapist inspired her to write up a petition to have a tampon machine put into the girl’s bathroom. I’m pretty sure she could just ASK Mr. Radish but of course everything has to be some weird campaign. Paige signs it, then asks Sean if he wants to sign too (to embarrass Emma, of course). He does, saying if Emma came up with it, it must be good! SWOON.

Jimmy and Ashley meet up at the lockers. She says she doesn’t want to break up and he’s overreacting. He hugs her and tells her he loves her. And once again the episode just ends. This episode tricked me. I thought it would be mostly about Jimmy “coming of age” because it was his birthday, but it was just about Emma’s ruined white skirt. Oh Degrassi, I never know what I’ll get with you!

Letty: Emma is a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man to take care of her.